NOTES TO SELF or WHAT WATCHING EVERYONE ELSE HAS TAUGHT ME:

When I am done here and enter the real world of practicing law, I will . . .
. . . always be on time.
. . . never talk back to the judge.
. . . be polite to opposing counsel and shame them into being kind back to me.
. . . not wear big chunky necklaces that reflect light into the jurors' eyes.
. . . remember to stand up when addressing the Court.
. . . spell-check my documents.
. . . shower each morning.
. . . prepare my witnesses.
. . . not wear muu-muus to court.
. . . be my own happy goofy self.
. . . not leave important documents at home.
. . . not call to cancel conferences at 5:15pm the evening before the conference.
. . . control my voice so I don't shriek or whine at dog-decibel levels.
. . . not roll my eyes or sigh heavily and morosely at everything opposing counsel says.
. . . not let my clients roll their eyes or sigh heavily and morosely at everything opposing counsel says.
. . . be nice to the secretary (if I'm ever lucky enough to have one).
. . . be nice to the Clerks of the Court.
. . . not read the newspaper when the judge is speaking.
. . . attempt to discover the answers to my stupid questions before asking them.
. . . not spill water on counsel table during a proceeding.
. . . not tamper with the jurors.
. . . not yell at the judge's law clerks.
. . . make friends with the court reporters.
. . . address everyone as Mr. ___ or Ms. ___.
. . . not assume that every woman that answers the phone on the other end is a secretary.
. . . not cry.
. . . not lie.