OK, I found something to talk about: Chemical Ali's DNA.

When the Allied troops thought they had killed Chemical Ali, the Brits decided to run some DNA testing on the body. This assumes the fact that the Allies had DNA to compare to that of the dead body. This assumes the fact that the Allies got the real Chemical Ali's DNA from somwhere. How did they get this original DNA sample, you ask?

I like to think that MI5 or the CIA or whoever has operatives, spies, moles, paid turncoats hidden and placed all over the world. These people perform very simple tasks: they take teeny little photos of key players with their little pen-cap cameras; they pluck stray hairs off of pillows and scrape bed sheets for skin cells; they record conversations onto miniscule cassette tapes weaved into their hair. Then they slip all this info into inconspicuous mailing envelopes, pass them off to the local pastry-shop owner, who hands it off to his wife, who places it in her daughter's school textbook for the math teacher to find, and the teacher hands it off to a guard in front of the Washington Monument during an international class trip, and then all of a sudden, it lands on George Tenet's desk.

How cool is that?

(NOTE: this is all a figment of my overactive wanna-be law enforcement imagination. If you are with MI5 and/or the CIA, please don't come find me and threaten me. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just watch a lot of movies. If you are a terrorist and you want me to tell you how I know all this, don't bother. I don't want to talk to you.)