IT'S NOT A TUMOR . . .

Update on the Boob: Doc says there is no discernible lump in my breast that causes her concern. Not that it didn't HURT LIKE A MO-FO while she was feeling around in there!!! Given that it's probably an infection caused by some trauma (that I don't remember receiving) or some sort of muscle strain, I am to Motrinize myself consistently for the next week. If the pain hasn't gone away, they will ultrasound my breast. Ew -- cold goo.

But anyway, thanks to all of yous who called, emailed, gave me the worried furrowed eyebrows, etc. I experienced considerably less agita as a result.

And my little scare has inspired me to run just that much harder on the morning of the 14th: Komen Run/Walk for the Cure, New York. GET OUT THERE AND DO IT.

***

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC PRESENTS . . .

I am the last of a dying breed: the single late-20-something woman.

When did this happen? It's like I woke up one morning and almost all my girlfriends were married or well on their way to being married, while I was away doing other stuff. What other stuff was I doing?!

Now, now, it's not that I begrudge my married friends their married status. Most of them are married happily and probably for life -- I do believe that is a special blessing and I would never sit here and grouse about it. In fact, I hope to one day be as happily married as some of my friends are.

Nor is it that I necessarily want to be married myself right now. A boyfriend might be nice, but do I really have the energy and the will to sustain a marriage at this point? Probably not, even though everyone around me thinks I should.

Nor is it that I think marriage is necessarily so great. I see a lot of unhappy married folks out there -- unhappy because of their married lives -- and I can't help but wonder "Why did you get yourself into this situation in the first place?!"

It's just that I'm not sure how I fit into the picture anymore. It's one thing if just the ladies are hanging out -- all the ladies in my different gaggles of girlfriends are feisty, smart, independent women who more often than not will leave their husbands at home for an evening out with the girls. "There's leftovers in the fridge, honey! Don't wait up!"

It's another thing when I'm out socializing and I realize that I'm surrounded by couples! WEIRD. For example, last night, I went for ice cream with the Gs, the Ls and C (half of M&C), and it was the strangest, most out-of-body experience I've had in at least the past several months. For most of the outing, I had absolutely nothing to say.

I read books. I read the newspaper and assorted magazines. I'm up-to-date with most of the current information and trends in health, science, politics, etc. But what married person, what pregnant mom, is going to listen to me offer advice or input on breastfeeding, relationships, communication with a spouse? Opening my mouth puts me at risk for my least favorite line of all time: "You're not married/You've never been pregnant, so you wouldn't understand/you wouldn't know."

To which I have several responses, so you can choose the one you like best:
1. "You're full of BULLSHIT."
2. "Being married/pregnant does NOT make you a better person. It DOES apparently, however, make you more trite."
3. "Being single doesn't mean I'm brainless or heartless."
4. "You be careful -- it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for because they know more and have experienced more than you would assume."

Of course, last night, I also heard this, from the mouth of someone I never thought would say such a thing to me: "Well, you're single, but guys like to collect senseless little toys." I don't even know what means, on a grammatical level, or any other level!!! I'm single, so I wouldn't have known that? I'm single, so I don't know anything about guys? I'm single, so . . . so what? What the f*ck?

Ugh. Anyway. Maybe I should not hang out with my married friends so much. Of course, that would mean I'd be spending a lot of time by myself, but I'm usually okay with that and prefer it to most other company anyway, so it wouldn't be that much of a sacrifice. But do I remove myself and let the triteness and close-mindedness of the married folks around me continue so they can unleash it on others, or do I stay put and force them to accept me for who I am?

I am single woman, hear me roar.

roar.

***

WELCOME HOME, BOB . . .

I finally got my new laptop! His name is Bob, and he is small, shiny and clean. The madness has officially begun.

1. I'm wireless in the house now which means that my life on the Internet doesn't end at 5pm when I leave the office and high-speed Internet access behind. Now I can nerd out ALL the TIME! My mom already hates it, which is a pretty good indicator of the success of my wireless hookup.

2. I have been schooled in the ways of iTunes. I am currently going through my CD collection and uploading all my favorite songs (though I'm told I should just upload the entire CD, even if I don't like the songs -- why would I do such a thing?!) into Bob. Bob likes it.

3. I got hooked up to some weird Internet phone thing. So now, if someone else has the same software or whatever it is (clearly, I'm not a techie), I can TALK to them -- as in SPEECH, using mouth, tongue, vocal cords, breaths -- through my computer. That's right -- no phone, no email, no IM chat rooms. Just me, Bob and the other person. So strange and surreal. Of course, right now, the only one who is thusly hooked up is C, so I'm making do until I find some more friends to download the appropriate workings . . .

4. My first night with Bob, I discovered the wild and woolly variety of late-night Internet nerds out there. About eight NHF-ers, all still logged on at 11pm on a Monday night, all jumping into a chat room to talk about . . . I don't even remember. But there was a lot of chatter and confusion -- even my Queen of the Multi-Taskers brain couldn't keep up.

In any event, Bob is the best. I love Bob. Goooo, Bob!