WHINE WHINE WHINE . . .

I reached a milestone this morning: I discovered the first full-length white hair on my head.

It actually made me laugh out loud. It was SO prominent and SO thick; not at all what I imagined a dead, bleached, non-pigmented hair shaft to be. And it just stuck out, glistening brightly under the lights as I blow-dried the rest of my dark brown hairs. I grabbed onto it and ran to my mother: "Omma, Omma! Look! My first white hair!" I shouted in triumph. Omma looked at me like I was nuts.

As I returned to my morning routine, I got to thinking ... from where did this robust white hair come? And, as is the American way, I have concluded that it's everyone else's fault but mine, naturally.

-- Everyone involved with the home-buying process -- realtors, sellers, lawyers, bankers, inspectors: you all are stressing me out! Why can't it all just move smoothly like buttah, and why can't there exist a perfect home in which nothing has gone awry?
-- My parents: relaaaaax. My job is fine, my friends are fine and my family is fine, so don't worry about me getting married! I'll get married when I WANT and when I'm READY, and no amount of nosing around by you is going to move the event any closer.
-- Incompetent attorneys: go back to law school. Stop submitting incoherent, mispelled, grammatically incorrect and WHINY papers. Stop calling to ask stupid questions whose answers you might discover if you read our rules or the Federal Rules or the Local Rules ... or used common sense.
-- People who don't respond to invitations: we rely upon your RSVP to make an adequate amount of food, to prepare sufficient games, to ascertain that the location of an event is neither too big nor too small. You show an inordinate amount of disrespect when you fail to RSVP. And I KNOW that you received the invitation and I KNOW that you check it repeatedly because I am the one who sent the Evite and I can tell when you've looked at it!
-- Bad drivers: you give me agita every morning by zipping in front of me without using your signals, or tailgating me when I'm already going well above the posted speed limit. Plus, some of your exhaust stinks, so get your systems checked out. You're giving me cancer.

Hmmm. I think I'm done whining for the morning. I think I shall now go admire the white hair that you all gave me.