I COULDN'T BEAR IT . . .

I could not bear to watch Shrub's press conference last night. Even if I liked his policies and political philosophies, the mere fact of his whiny, near-Elmer Fudd voice would have driven me to turn off the television. I can't listen to anything Shrub has to say because his voice is like nails scritching and scratching down a blackboard ... for miles. However, I forbore to read the transcripts of his speech and the ensuing (pre-written) question and answer period. And bearing in mind my clear and admitted bias against having Shrub as my Commander in Chief, here are my humble thoughts ...

... the second sentence out of his mouth is "This has been tough weeks in that country." OUCH. English teachers across the country, unite!

... he says, "We're not an imperial power, as nations such as Japan and Germany can attest." I don't know what this means.

... he calls Donald Rumsfeld "Secretary of State." D'oh!

... he says of the United States' own history: "we had a little trouble in our country achieving freedom." YOU THINK?! And by the way ... have we really achieved freedom in this country? Go ask your neighbor.

... he uses the words "suiciders" and "maimer." I think even PEK would have a hard time using those in Scrabble to cheat.

... more fodder for English teachers: "revenues of the oil stream is pretty darn significant" and "There's mass graves" and "we've been on a war ever since" and "I've spoke to..."

... words of wisdom (I'm being facetious, if you can't tell): "And they were happy -- they're not happy they're occupied. I wouldn't be happy if I were occupied either."

... can someone translate this for me: "Angry that Al Qaeda had, at the time thought Al Qaeda, found out shortly thereafter it was Al Qaeda, had unleashed this attack."

... and this one too: "There was kind of departments that at times didn't communicate because of law in the F.B.I.'s case."

... and here's a question he didn't even pretend to answer: "One of the biggest criticisms of you is that ... you never admit a mistake. And do you believe that there were any errors in judgment that you made related to any of those topics I brought up?"

... some nice wavering: "I don't think anybody can, maybe people can argue that."

... and now, some unsolicited editorial from me. Shrub says, regarding the August 6, 2001 bulletin: "It was also an indication ... that bin Laden might want to hijack an airplane, but as you said, not to fly into a building but perhaps to release a person in jail. In other words, serving as blackmail." I say: "RIGHT. A crazy fanatical wacko like Osama bin Laden is going to train and fund allllll those little minions in flying aircraft in the United States just so he can hijack one for the purpose of blackmailing this administration into releasing some person or persons that he might deign to care about. RIIIIIIGHT. OBL doesn't want to KILL anyone, he just wants to make a political POINT. He cares SO MUCH about his little minions that he just wants them released from prison. NO, YOU IDIOT. HE WANTS TO KILL AMERICANS AND THAT IS WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO AND DID WITH THOSE AIRPLANES, YOU JERK!"

... more unsolicited commentary, in response to Shrub's statement "... had I had any inkling whatsoever that the people were going to fly airplanes into buildings we would have moved heaven and earth to save the country": YOU DID HAVE AN INKLING. What could you have done with it? I don't know -- maybe nothing. But the point is YOU DID HAVE AN INKLING. Don't pretend you didn't.

... another question Shrub can't or won't and did not answer: "Do you believe the American people deserve a similar apology from you, and would you be prepared to give them one?"

... my "wtf"moment came at this: "Some of the debate really centers around the fact that people don't believe Iraq can be free, that if you're Muslim or perhaps BROWN-SKINNED, you can't be self-governing and free." WTF?!?!?! First of all, I personally have not seen that many "brown-skinned" Muslims. Second of all ... what the heck kind of context is that? I can only imagine that it's one of Shrub's own bizarre fabrications and how he views people who are not white. WTF?!?!?!

... true confessions: in response to the question "After 9/11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say? And what lessons have you learned from it?" he states "Hmmmm. I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it ... you just put me under the spot here and maybe I'm not quick, as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with that one." FIRST of all, it's "put me ON the spot." SECONDLY, I know most of the questions are pre-written and submitted prior to the press conference so that Shrub can prepare his lies -- I mean, answers. But at least PRETEND like there's something creative and new going on in that tiny pea-sized brain of yours and give us SOMETHING. And THIRDLY, you have to "come up" with an answer, like you have to MAKE ONE UP? Disgusting. Sheesh. Note to self: never let the Supreme Court pick a President again.

... still confused: "you're talking about one aspect of possible."

... totally hypocritical: "We have an obligation to lead the fight on AIDS, on Africa." FIRST of all, you cut funding for the domestic and international fights AGAINST A.I.D.S.. SECONDLY, could you please clarify ... are you now leading a fight on Africa too?

... his most honest answer came towards the end of the press conference, in response to "if you feel in any way that you've failed as a communicator": "Gosh, I don't know." Brilliant, Shrub, just brilliant.

... the only part of the press conference that settled my disgusted soul was "It's [making America secure and the world free] a conviction that's deep in my soul." I share that conviction, and I'm glad Shrub has it. But still ... go back to Crawford in November, would you?

And that's all she wrote.