BEING KO-REAN . . .

I'm not exactly sure why, or at what point in my life I started making this distinction, but second-generationers like myself are "Korean." First-generationers like my parents are "KO-rean." I think it was funny at first, and my Korean friends got it. Now, it's just habit.

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The 4th Annual KALCA Dinner was interesting and mostly fun. On a serious note, it was sombering and meaningful to see a sizable turnout for a group that has only been in existence for four years, and has only had a full-time Executive Director (my law school and Legal Follies mate!) for two and a half months. I used to think and even assume that Koreans and KO-reans on this Coast didn't care about civic action, voting, raising up leaders, political and social activism. Even seeing the couple of hundred people gathered in the banquet hall tonight, I'm not sure that we DO care. Not, at least, as much as we care about other things, like attending the right school, getting a hot job, driving a cool car and being loaded with sparkly and/or electronic bling-bling. But tonight was a start -- a beginning to the change in my own attitude towards my fellow Yellows, as well as a kick in the pants to the Korean/KO-rean community at large.

On a not-so-serious note ... Koreans are weird. I've been to As-Am events in the past, for APEX and Project-By-Project. Somehow, it's not so bad when the gathered crowd represents the wide spectrum of Asians. But tonight, with so many different kinds of Koreans in the room, my mind was spinning. I was comfortable ... yet not. I was social with people I knew, totally closed off to people I didn't. I looked askance at young men in nice suits, thinking "do they have altruistic reasons for being here or do they just want to scam on Korean girls?" And then of course, there was the Korean Mafia. Oh please, relax -- I speak facetiously (I hope). I refer simply to the cabal of first-generation Korean men seated at the table to my left. About ten rugged, red-faced (Remy Martin was a generous supporter of tonight's event), fifty-or-over KO-rean men sat at the table, receiving guests and shaking hands with New York City Councilman John Liu and New York City Comptroller Bill Thompson. It was very "Oh, Bill, you better come here and shake this man's hand, or else." Both Liu and Thompson were very solicitous. I was very suspicious.

I think it's because I know (or think I know) how first-generationers operate: most of them are in a cash-oriented retail business. Most of them are still obsessed with status and making a good show of things, even if they preside over a broken home or drink too much or beat their wives or stress out their children or kick their dogs. Most of them don't vote and don't need to because anything they want done in their community, they can buy. In cash. Because that's how it's done in the Motherland where democracy and the non-use of bribery as an advocacy tool are still fledgling concepts. Most of them still have a patriarchal mentality where young women like me must grovel to them and pour them drinks and let them leer at me. Most of them wouldn't care enough to show up at a Korean American League for Civic Action event ... unless they were going to appear in the Korean newspaper the next day so they can show all their friends what good citizens they are. Most of them leave an event right after the meal because after all, they got what they came for: food and face-time.

I know I am being so cynical and I really hope I am wrong. I hope those ten men care deeply about the Korean-American community in New York and the rest of the country. I hope they don't think things will get done in our community by paying people off and wielding undue influence. (I hope their wives weren't with them because they were out having fun elsewhere and not because they weren't asked to come.)

I was also amused at how much they drank. Sheesh. Purple Remy Martin? Are you serious?

***

On another frivolous note: when serving dinner to a room almost completely full of Korean people, bland chicken cordon bleu is probably not the wisest choice. We Koreans weren't brought up on cheese or ham or even that much breaded chicken, and certainly we have limited exposure to mashed potatoes piped into the shape of a small castle. Frankly, no matter what generation we belong to, a little sticky rice and spicy kimchi and hot bulgogi is still our food of choice.

I realize this preference makes things very difficult for young Koreans wishing to marry in this country: do you go for the ubiquitous Korean buffet at the big Korean reception hall, or do you go for the chicken/steak/salmon selection that all the KO-reans will complain about when they go home? Hard to say. But really, unlimited kimchi just makes everyone happy, even if you drop some on your wedding dress.

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OK, pay attention here.

Did you know: Asian-Americans make up TEN PERCENT of the population of New York City, but there is only ONE Asian-American person on the New York City Council? Did you know: he, Councilman John Liu, is the FIRST Asian-American New York City Councilperson EVER?

WTF?! What are we DOING out there? Get your cigarette-smoking, cognac-drinking thumbs out of your Armani-clad asses, and DO something for your community! (Errr ... did I just promote several stereotypes there? Eek. But I was just trying to make a point.)

***

I'm glad I went, as surreal as the evening was. I love having my thoughts provoked and my mind's behind given a swift kick now and then. I love thinking of how I can make an impact, how I can "give back," how I can galvanize my friends and family to care about more than themselves, how I can do something very small to help make Asian-Americans feel at home and empowered in our country.