BLECH . . .

I have a dilemma. It's hardly earth-shattering, but it rocks my world every day nonetheless: I don't like my current flavor of toothpaste.

I was coming down to the last drop of my favorite Tom's of Maine Natural Tartar Control & Whitening, Peppermint Toothpaste, so I decided to hit the local drugstore to restock. Imagine my horrific dismay upon discovering that while the store did carry Tom's of Maine toothpaste products, MY particular product was not on the shelf. What could I do? I am far too lazy to travel to other drugstores in search of Tartar Control & Whitening, Peppermint, so I did some quick but diligent research on the boxes of toothpaste that sat in front of me. Fennel, eh. I don't like how it tastes in real life, I'm not going to like it in paste form rubbed all over my teeth. Cinnamint, blech. I don't like sugary-sweet things, be they in pastry or gel form. Unflavored -- boring! Apricot, too weird for me. Why would I immerse my teeth in fruit extract? I finally settled for Natural Baking Soda Toothpaste With Fluoride, Gingermint.

AND I HATE IT.

I have this huge tube of nasty-ass toothpaste in my bathroom, and I hate it. I want nothing more than to throw it far, far away from me and never bring it near my taste buds again. But I can't bring myself to waste four dollars and spend another four dollars on the toothpaste I really want.

I know there are children starving in Africa, people dying of AIDS in China, war raging in the Middle East, pivotal presidential campaigns being run in this country. But I hate my toothpaste and I just don't know what to do about it.

***

SHUT UP! . . .

Hillary Clinton wasn't asked to speak at the Democratic National Convention in Boston. People are saying she didn't ask to speak, she doesn't want to speak, it's alright that she's not speaking, blah blah blah. And now, Judith Hope, the former chairwoman of the New York Democratic Party, said she's going to urge female Democrats to boycott the Convention.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Yes, Judith, this is a f*cking FINE time to be urging Democrats to boycott political events. This is a PERFECT moment to be promoting a split in the party. This is a GREAT opportunity for the Democratic Party to be disunified. Judith Hope, are you an absolute imbecile? Shut your mouth and sit down, please, because you are giving politics a worse name than it already has, and you urging people to boycott the Convention is just the most ridiculous thing I've heard since "let's go to war because Iraq has weapons of mass destruction." Judith finally backed down, retracted her urging, but emailed about 1,000 supporters asking them to protest the decision to not ask Hillary to speak. Oh, quit your blustering, Judith. You're worse than Shrub.

Hillary may or may not speak at the Convention. Politics and behind-the-scenes maneuvering and thinking about 2008 and so many other factors will decide what her role at the Convention will be. Judith Hope, you just stop making a mess of things, alright?