DON'T GOOOOOO . . .

Colin Powell is stepping down as Secretary of State. DON'T DO IT, MR. SECRETARY!!!!

The only voice of reason in Washington, D.C. is returning to private life. I guess he deserves it. He is -- or at least seems to be, by all accounts -- an honorable man unafraid to stick to his guns of integrity, a church-going man, a family man, a diplomat and a peace-maker, an intelligent man, a dignified man, a man who listens more than he speaks, a wise man, a man with whom you'd like to have a scotch on the rocks while discussing foreign policy, a man with whom you'd like to share a bag of chips while hooting and hollering at the contestants on the new season of "The Amazing Race" (which premieres tonight). Actually, no. I bet he doesn't hoot and holler much, or eat potato chips. But I bet he would enjoy "The Amazing Race."

He deserves private life. He deserves to spend some quality time with Alma and the three kids. He deserves to have some quiet inside his head, slippers on his feet, and a job he loves sauntering off to every morning. He did not deserve the last four years of bullshit that Shrub dished out to him every day on a silver platter, then instructed him to deliver unto the unknowing masses.

I know all that, and I know that having Condi Rice be the next Secretary of State will be an historic event: the first black woman to be the nation's top diplomat, and only the second woman ever to hold the post. But why do something for history's sake? For someone as accomplished and intelligent as she is, she has now turned into nothing more than a yes-woman. Images of her and Shrub's heads pressed together hatching another dastardly plot to rule the world make me nauseous still. She's the natural choice because we all know Shrub can't make any decisions on his own, and he loves to surround himself with people who will say "uh-huh, exactly, just go to war," but please. The next four years have to -- HAVE TO -- be different, and having Condi Rice be our Secretary of State will change the entire face of American diplomacy (or in Shrub's case, NON-diplomacy). God be with those in the State Department now; boy, am I ever glad I never passed THAT test. Incidentally, having Condi's Number 2 step in as the next National Security Advisor is merely a portent of our doom. We're screwed. As Hooch would say, "Second verse, same as the first." And it's not just me; a tried and true Washington insider speaks thusly:

Should Rice's nomination be approved, her top deputy, Stephen Hadley, will be promoted to national security adviser, the senior administration officials said.

The moves drew initial negative reaction from a former secretary of state who served Bush's father.

"I do not believe that you should have in the secretary of state someone who has spent their last four years in the White House next to the president," Lawrence Eagleburger told CNN's "Paula Zahn Now." "I do believe you need tension between the State Department, the Defense Department and the National Security Council.

"If the rumors prove correct and her deputy becomes national security adviser, everybody is going to speak the same language," he said. "Whatever influence, for instance, Colin Powell had is going to be much less under these new circumstances."

Uh-huh. You know it.