ANGEL NETWORK . . .

You can say what you want about Oprah Winfrey -- her near-cult status creeps me out sometimes too, and though she gives things away to her audience members in need, those items are all donated and it's not like she's paying for them -- but I think that one thing you can't say is that she's uncaring.

Of course, Oprah is wealthy beyond imagination, so she's in a position to be caring, but still, I am still touched in the ways that she goes above and beyond the normal call of duty, that call which most of us who are also in a position to be caring ignore. And because she cares, she wisely takes advantage of her status, her celebrity pull, her implicit media trustworthiness, to exhort her viewers -- and Lord, there are millions of those! -- to care as well. Today, Oprah devoted her show to the work of her Angel Network in South Africa, namely on the behalf of children in need and those suffering with AIDS without access to -- or even knowledge of!!! -- medication such as anti-virals.

In response to the aura du Oprah, the Angel Network amassed SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS to provide Christmas parties in twelve South African regions for children. The Network also collected ONE MILLION DOLLARS to purchase new school uniforms for all of the students in one particular South African region. And I'm only twenty minutes into the episode, which I taped because I knew, knew it would be so, so good, but already, Oprah has handed to Alicia Keys a check for FORTY MILLION DOLLARS to support Keys' Keep a Child Alive organization, providing medical aid for South African children suffering from HIV and AIDS.

FORTY MILLION DOLLARS.

Sure, Oprah's got it. That's why she's giving it. But the lesson hits home ... I don't have forty million dollars. I only have forty dollars. Forty dollars that I was going to use to furiously bid on EBay for a stupid watch that isn't going to help me or enhance my life or help anyone else live his or her life. What the hell kind of fool am I?