DULLEST KNIFE IN THE SET . . .

I think I'm addicted to EBay.

But wait! That's not even the worst part. The worst part is that I'm addicted to EBay, and am absolutely, utterly, one-hundred-percent convinced that I can finagle a Swiss Army Officer's watch for $65.00 or less, an entire season of "Little House on the Prairie" DVDs for $20.00 or less, an amber ring set in platinum for $5.00 or less, and a Coach leather market tote for $45.00 or less.

I have been out-bid on all of these items (and more, because there are actually SIX seasons of "Little House on the Prairie" on the market right now) several times over. All signs point to "you are delusional and cheap and you will never win any of these auctions with your ridiculously idiotic bids," but still I press on. Or click on. I refuse to pay more than the limits I set for myself, so each time I lose an item, I go back and search for a new offering of the same thing. Six days, four hours and eighteen minutes left? I put my name on the list, set my maximum bid, and watch all the other knuckleheads waste their money around me. Silly, silly them.

I shall have the last laugh. I swear it. And then I shall look at my $38.00 watch (normally retailing for $375.00) and tell you what time it is. And smirk to myself as I do it.