NO ORIGINAL THOUGHTS . . .

It's been hard to have any lately. Lots going on; simultaneously, nothing going on. Could I feel more schizophrenic? (And how do I know I'm not?)

***

Dr.G says I'm perfectly fine -- the blood does not lie! -- but that still doesn't explain the chronic joint pain, the fitful sleep (if any at all), and more recently, the bloody noses. Is this simply what it is to get older, even by a day, a week, a month, a year? Is this the body's way of simply shutting down, minute by minute? I'm not completely dismayed; I'm just sort of amazed at the circle of life -- that it begins, it goes, and then it ends, all in its own perfect rhythm. It's so perfect and beautiful, in a way, that it convinces me more and more of God's sovereignty each day. Even as I wipe my nose again.

***

B didn't write or call. Am I surprised? Neither did I.

***

I will be making some extra cash in the next few days. This is a VERY VERY GOOD thing. I've been wise so far, but the pinch is on. I'm surprised though ... I always thought I was the poor one in the gang. But Oprah is right -- there is no more middle class. We are ALL poor. Yikes.

Whether we are single, married, married with kids, whatever ... the money crunch is always on. Omma always told me that the number one reason couples fight is money. I believe it now. I can see how stressful it can be -- having to put food on the table for your family (or for yourself), having to put gas in your car, having to pay the bills, wanting to spend time with your friends but wondering "are we really going to order bad pizza again and pay $7 a person for it?!" That sucks.

So the new resolve is on. I will (and must) be wiser about my cash flow; and I will (and must) help my friends be the same. (And is it terrible of me that I don't feel so bad and down-in-the-dumps about being the poor friend anymore? I don't want to MAKE people join me in my faux misery ... but it is sort of nice not being there alone.)

***

It was really dark when I came out into the living room this morning -- low clouds blanketed the sky. It felt so cozy; I sat with my coffee and stared out at the dark grey out-of-doors. But then, it started pouring like mad, and the sky lightened up. Now, I sit in a cottony haze of light grey, and my eyes almost sting from the brightness of the rainy sky. Cool.

***

What have I been learning lately, for one must always be learning something, I think .... Patience. Prayer. Receiving wisdom and truth. Receiving concern. Letting people take care of me. Focus. Who I am vs. who I must be. Obedience. Trust for today, faith for tomorrow. Decision-making. Personal resolve. Why being proud is not always good. That I am not always right. That God is strong, powerful, gentle, loving beyond imagination, purposeful, kind, merciful, and that He speaks loudly.

***

I feel like I've done this one a million times over, but it's still mildly entertaining ...

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES?
White.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Freakonomics, by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. Madam Secretary, by Madeleine Albright is on deck.

3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
No mouse pad; just a PowerBook G4 trackpad for me, thanks.

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Scrabble.

5. FAVORITE MAGAZINES?
Real Simple; People; SELF.

6. FAVORITE SMELL
Coffee in the morning; fresh clean B; kimchi jigae.

7. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
God; B; the weather outside.

8. FAVORITE COLOR?
To look at: red and orange.
To wear: brown and pink.

9. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR?
I don't like to look at royal blue, and I don't think I look that great in yellow.

10. HOW MANY RINGS DOES IT TAKE BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
Do I ever answer the phone? What the heck is voicemail for?

11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Oh no, I ain't telling because (1) I don't want to jinx myself into NOT having children; and (2) I don't want tensions to arise from a potential name-steal.

12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
That which is hardest: to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind, and to love my neighbour above myself.

13. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Neither.

14. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
Yes.

15. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No.

16. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Cool, particularly when there's lots of thunder and wind. Tornados, on the other hand ... VERY VERY SCARY.

17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Seriously? My mom's silver Cadillac DeVille. OH YEAH.

18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE?
My paternal grandfather.

19. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
I don't drink so much anymore, but if I had to fall back on a good ol' standby, I'd say ... Black Russian.

20. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Scorpio. (That explains everything, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, I know.)

21. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
It's the best part!

22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can't possibly narrow my desires down! Professor of English Literature at Columbia University; federal prosecutor for the Southern District of New York; high school English teacher; events coordinator for an organization like World Vision; an international legal consultant for an organization like International Justice Mission; super-with-it-and-hip mother and wife ...

23. YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown with two very thick and wiry strands of white.

24. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Oh yes.

25. FAVORITE MOVIE?
(Why do they ask me to choose just one?) If I must ... and I say this as the titles of all my other favorite movies flit across my mind's eye ... I'll go with "The Sound of Music."

26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Mostly, but I am realizing that I rarely use my pinkies. Poor neglected things.

27. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Nuthin'.

28. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Yankee baseball live. Yankee baseball on television.

29. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR?
That I will die with nothing to show for my life, and nothing to show for God.

30. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS?
I lifted it from Aunt Murry, whom I don't really know, but I hear she has kind things to say to TinyCricket, which makes her grade-A in my book.

31. FAVORITE CD?
What the heck is a CD? My favorite iTunes playlist is my "P&W Jams."

32. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"Lost."

33. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD?
Ketchup for hamburgers, fries, eggs and Korean fried rice. Mustard for hot dogs and pretzels.

34. HAMBURGERS OR HOT-DOGS?
Definitely both.

35. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK
I don't usually drink a lot of soda, but 7-UP always makes me feel refreshed and nostalgic for my childhood, and it goes with everything.

36. BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?
Nyack State Park & Beach with B; Block Island with the LOLs; Yankee games with Cheech; and most recently, Ithaca with the gang.

37. PJs OR NIGHTGOWN?
Errr ... I choose not to answer this question.

38. FAVORITE COMIC STRIP?
I don't read comics anymore, but I had a real faithful Calvin & Hobbes phase back in the day.