As per a discussion I was having with Hooch yesterday . . .

PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A BEER AND CHAT WITH:

1. North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il. Things I would ask: "Dude, do you know you have no friends left in the world?" "Dude, you're keeping all the money and food aid that is sent over from the U.S. and South Korea, right?" "Dude, do you really think your ideology is going to survive when you're dead?" "Dude, do you really believe your people idolize and worship you because they like you?" and "Dude, do you know what you're missing on the outside?!"

2. Elizabeth Smart. Things I would ask: "So is it stifling yet having your family smother you and never let you out of their sight again?" "Did you tell Mitchell to kidnap your favorite cousin too because you wanted someone else to hang out with?" "Were you really kidnapped or did you run away?" and "And if you ran away, did you not anticipate what kind of trauma you would be enacting upon all those who love you?"

3. Conan O'Brien. Things I would ask: nothing. I would just tell him to be funny AT me, and simply revel in the glory of it.

4. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Things I would ask: "Do you really believe everything you write, or are you just being spicy?" "Will you make me one of your famous dinners?" "Who's your best friend on the Court?" "Even if I disagree with almost everything you say, can I still be one of your next law clerks?" (OK, as a lawyer, I know I should do better when faced with the fantasy of having a beer with a powerful legal mind such as Justice Scalia, but sadly, these really are the questions I would ask him. Which is why no one would ever let me have a beer with him.)