IF I WERE A HAMMER . . . .

It seems that every few days, I light upon another idea of what I would want to be were I not already an attorney. Most of my ideas are driven by the television I watch (although I have yet to feel like I want to be The Chosen Vampire Slayer of my generation), but some are legit and could potentially, in several years and after several more academic degrees, maybe, in my dream-world, happen:

1. Crime Scene Investigator: I want to be Marg Helgenberger from CSI. She's smart, she's tough, she does socially valuable work. Or maybe I just want to have the training she has: the ability to take it all in at one glance; to use all my senses to instantly solve a mystery; to use my finely-tuned powers of perception and intuition; to use the best of science and technology to execute justice. That last one might be hard because I can barely do long division, so I don't know what kind of forensics PhD program would admit me.

2. FBI Profiler: Like Ally Walker from Profiler, but without the crazed and murderous stalker. She's smart, she's tough, she does socially valuable work. And this is stupid, but she had the BEST SUITS and packed heat.

3. Caterer/Wedding Coordinator: I like food. I like froufy things. I like weddings. I like organizing things. I like cooking things. I like decorating. I like making things look pretty. I like ordering people around. It's so perfect, it's not even funny.

4. Bookstore Owner: I could be surrounded by my beloved books and just read all day, and no one could yell at me for doing so. I OWN the place.

5. TV Monitor: I don't actually know what these people are called, but they're assigned to watch TV all day long (ok, maybe not ALL day long) and keep an eye out for certain things -- clients' advertisements, competition's advertisements, etc. ARE YOU KIDDING? I'd be SO good at this, and perform my job ever so diligently, too.

6. Navy SEAL/Special Ops: Okay, let's immediately file this under "Pipe Dream." I can't do ONE real push-up, so don't even talk to me about the tens of thousands I need to do to even get these people to glance at me. But they infiltrate, support, surge ahead, rally, rescue. And they're BRAVE. I want to be brave.

7. Mayor of New York City: I don't know how many jeers I'm opening myself up to here. Certainly, no mayor that I've lived through has had an easy go of it. But come on, I'd be so fun!

8. White House Press Secretary: Like CJ Cregg on The West Wing. She's smart, she's tough and she does socially valuable work. Oh, and she's tall. Oh, and once again with the GREAT SUITS. Plus, she gets to work with Charlie and Josh and Donna. Yes, I realize these are made-up television characters, but this is MY blog.

I think that's it for now. Let me watch TV tonight and see what else I can come up with. Until then, I love the law and I love my job more, so I'll hang out here until the Navy SEAL thing works out . . ..