ALL THE NEWS THAT'S NOT ALL THAT FIT TO PRINT . . .

Being a news reporter must be hard. There are deadlines, stories to scoop, competitive ladders to climb, reputations to establish.

Being an Associated Press reporter must be doubly so, because you have to chase stories with headlines like these (true, from today's nytimes.com):

From Clark, S.D.: "Ton of Mashed Potato Flakes is Missing"

From Anchorage, AK: "Moose Tries to Jump Rental Car"

From Kingston, NY: "Train Stopped So Employee Can Get Coffee"


But this story must have been worth it, at least for the chuckle:

From San Jose, CA: "Alabama Woman Wins Worst Writing Award"

The AP writes that "Mariann Simms of Wetumpka, Ala., won $250 in the 22nd Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a parody honoring the writer of the worst beginning to an imaginary novel."

And the winning worst beginning paragraph? Read on:

"They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white ... Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently."

YIKES.