LEARNING HUMILITY . . . EVEN IF IT'S FAKED . . .

This evening, I enter the world of the criminally accused. The People of the State of New York v. Me. Sigh. I never thought it would ever happen to me. I am a law-abiding citizen! I always throw my garbage into the provided receptacles! I don't steal or murder or pillage! I use my blinkers even in the middle of the night, in my own secluded neighborhood, with no other vehicles around to observe my left turn signal! I don't watch boot-legged movies! But alas. If I don't go and protest my innocence (as if) of driving 22 miles above the posted speed limit tonight in Town Court, I will be slapped with a painfully onerous SIX points on my driving record.

So, throughout today, I shall practice my groveling:

"Officer, I was just stupid."

"Officer, you know I have a spotless driving record -- this was just a stupid aberration."

"Officer, I would really appreciate anything you could do to help me out here."

"Officer, I'm appealing to your good graces, please."

Oh, I'm gagging.

I'm just glad no one will be there to witness my debasement. It would really destroy my mega-bitch image . . .