IS THIS SOMETHING I COULD DO? . . .

I have a fascination with the rendering of the National Anthem at the start of sporting events, particularly when the singer is a "professional." I want to make sure they're singing live, that they know the words to the song, that they sound good, that they render it honestly and sincerely. The Anthem makes me verklempt everytime I hear it sung well, so I always want to hear it sung well. Unfortunately, that is not always the case, and often, I find myself wondering "WHO asked THEM to sing THIS?!"

The 2003 World Series between the Florida Marlins (boo) and the New York Yankees (yay) has held no less fascination for me when it comes to the delivery of the Anthem at the start of each game. Come, let us review the three singers for the first three games:

1. Game 1 = Clay Aiken. Now, come on, New York. Why, oh why, did you boo Clay Aiken? Were you driven by jealousy, because you do not have the silky soft voice that he has, and there's no way in hell you could woo a woman without it? Lord knows, if I closed my eyes and listened just to his voice, I would swoon. His delivery was clean, not frilly, not overly embellished, honestly and professionally sung. Too bad for the F-14 fighter pilots who completely mistimed their fly-over and made you pause mid-song so you could be heard. Silly them. A

2. Game 2 = Renee Fleming. This woman is REALLY a professional opera singer? She's REALLY singing the role of Violetta in "La Traviata" this season at the Metropolitan Opera? Please, PLEASE tell me she did not get paid for her services on Sunday evening. She BIT. Why so froufy and airy a voice? Why so pretentious a look on your face? Why did you write the words to the Anthem on your hand? And after doing so, WHY OH WHY did you forget the words halfway through the song?! You broke my heart. You made me not want to see you in "La Traviata." You made me wish Clay Aiken was back. You made me glad that most of the reviews of "La Traviata" I have read so far rip you to shreds. Because you BITE. F-

3. Game 3 = Gloria Estefan. OK, say what you want, laugh all you like, but I really really really like Gloria. I liked her when she was with Miami Sound Machine; I liked her before her life-threatening bus accident; I liked her when she was "Coming Out of the Dark" in 1991 at the MTV Awards; I liked her when she was singing at the Atlanta Olympics; I liked her now. I was psyched to see her walking towards the microphone tonight to sing our Anthem to us, but she was . . . eh. Changed keys at least twice, went flat several times, but at least she remembered the words, and of course, she IS Gloria Estefan. B-

So there's the rub, my friends, we have at least two more Anthems to be sung in this Series. Let's hope for better. But the bottom line is this: if you ain't Whitney Houston singing the National Anthem at the 1991 Super Bowl, than you might as well just sit down and let us at least play the CD recording of that night.

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The latest Budweiser commercials are HILARIOUS. A++ to the ad-person who came up with this series. "Mr. Bad Toupee Wearer!" "Mr. Foot-Long Hotdog Creator!" I love it. Gets me every time!

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My prior post has created much uproar -- voiced and unvoiced in my Shout Outs -- among the men in my life. They don't believe me. They don't believe that I don't shriek and scream and jump up and down in joy and dazzlement at the sight of a diamond or two. They think I'm lying. They probably even think I'm being self-righteous (you know, "blood diamonds" and children dying in caves in Africa to get the damn things and all), but I'm not.

C'mon guys. You know me. I barely put on MAKEUP, much less JEWELRY. I have too many other 'best friends' for there to be room for diamonds on the list. Besides, how many times I gotta tell you? If I want them, I'll buy 'em MYSELF. Although of course, I will still lose them or get them stolen. Rats.

Now, if I received an engagement ring with a big gift certificate to Barnes and Noble on it . . . THAT might send me over the edge . . .