WEIRD . . .

How can it be possible that it is so sunny and nice outside, that I am facing a day with friends and laughter and the outdoors and singing, that I am surrounded by everything that is good and beneficial and blessed . . . and I feel completely sad and lost and dead inside?

I know God doesn't work this way, but at times like this, I wish He did. I wish for a thunderbolt of something, striking me in the core of my heart and sending an electric message to my brain that says, "Don't worry. Don't be afraid. Don't fret about the future. Don't regret the past. This is the life that I have given you; don't you dare dismiss it or begrudge it or say it isn't right. I love you. I will always love you. I will always ONLY work to bless you and make your life a blessing to Me. Circumstances will change. The sadness in your heart will lift RIGHT NOW and the scales will fall from your eyes, and you will be able to see that everything I have done for you in the last few weeks has been PLANNED and has been GOOD for you, even though you can't see it now. I will clear away the confusion. I will sort out your thoughts and feelings when you can't. I will comfort you and you will wake up tomorrow morning refreshed, renewed, a whole and healed person. I will take away the awkwardness, the pain, the hurtful memories. I will replace them with joy and thanksgiving and love and the GOOD memories. I will hold your hand and drag you up to your feet when you just want to sit and wallow, and you WILL be glad that I did so. I will bring love and fulfillment into your life in the way that you deserve it. I will ensure that you are not lonely, either in your external life, or in the depths of your heart. I will forgive you; I have forgiven you. I will put in your heart the absolute ability to love those around you, especially your friends, those whom you would die for. I will give you a pure heart towards them, so that you can love them as I love you. I will empower you to be a good friend and sister to them. I will heal your wounds and make sure the dried scabs never fall off, the wounds never re-open. I have died for you -- you have nothing to worry about anymore. Hey, I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing with you. I know what I'm doing with those around you. So trust me. Just trust me."

Oh, how I utterly long for that thunderbolt . . .