Monday, November 24

EAT THE PAIN . . .

I went mountain biking this weekend with C, Soy, ML and JC.

Well, let's not totally bend the truth. This weekend, I biked on the road on a mountain bike TO the mountain trial, WALKED the mountain bike through the mountain trail, then biked on the road RETURNING FROM the mountain trail. (Insert sheepish grin right here.) Here are some things I discovered in the process (and it's always all about the process):

1. It's true that once you learn to ride a bike, you never forget. I hadn't been on a bicycle of any sort in about twenty years, and once I got over the fact that my feet weren't on the ground, I was fine.

2. My head IS too big for a woman's helmet. Sigh.

3. There is no feeling as freeing as zipping down the downhill part of a hilly road, the breeze whizzing by your ears, with no brakes, no one in front, no one behind.

4. There is no feeling as exhilarating as pedaling methodically and steadily up an incline, feeling the burn, then triumphantly taking a break once you make it to the top of the hill, realizing that you can endure more than you think.

5. There is no feeling as frightening as being launched off the bike in the woods, catapulting into a big pile of leaves, landing on your hands and now-scraped-up knees, flipping over like an amateur gymnast, banging your (fortunately) helmeted head against a rock or log (couldn't tell which) and ending up on your back with your eyes closed and little birds fluttering in circles around your skull.

6. There is no feeling as purely funny as subsequently popping your eyes open, seeing Soy rush towards you with a look of sheer panic on her face, jumping frantically to your feet and hopping up and down on each leg to make sure nothing's broken, frenetically whispering to each other "don't laugh, no one else saw, no one else saw, shhhh!", then laughing hysterically as you shake your head clear and wait for Soy to pick all the leaves out of your hair and clothes.

7. There is no feeling as burning as the sensation in your arms resulting from pushing your bike up leafy muddy and skinny trails, then pulling your bike back as you descend down the same leafy muddy and skinny trails.

8. There is no feeling as stinging as a thousand little thorns whipping into your legs and arms. The chorus heard throughout the mountain trails as each of us progressed through it, single-file: "Ow. ... Ow. ... Ow. ... Ow. ... SHIT!"

9. There is no feeling as soggy as the weight in your feet resulting from wading through a foot of freezing-cold creek water. Note: squeezing out your socks doesn't really help.

10. There is no feeling as warming as hearing C encourage you to not slow down even if you're walking your bike through the woods, to not give up on the last few yards of the last incline, to try to make it up SOME part of his stupidly steep driveway: "EAT THE PAIN."

11. There is no feeling as proud as waking up the next morning and realizing: "I'm not sore. I can move without pain. I am in better shape than I thought I was. I am stronger than I thought I was. I am less fearful than I thought I was. WOW -- look how tight my leg and arm muscles are! COOL!"

***

SEASONS CHANGE . . .

I still miss the summer a lot -- it was just so fun and free; the most fun and free summer I've had since before law school. This past summer, I did whatever I wanted, with whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and it was such a blast. I'm not soooo pessimistic as to think that I'll never have such a great time again, but on grey days like today, nostalgia -- even for something mere months past -- kicks in with a vengeance, and I wish I could've had just a few more weeks of summer, or a few more weeks of fall, or no winter at all.

Friendships change, too. This is a reality, and always has been for me. Friends I thought I'd never let go of in high school are now long gone, and I can't even track them anymore. Fortunately, I'm still in touch with some of my closest friends from college, but others have drifted away, perhaps because I was never truly close to them to begin with. Law school friends have become mere colleagues, or friends with whom I rehash the good old psycho days of law school, but with whom I create no new memories. And even now, my current friendships -- particularly those with people at NHF -- are constantly evolving and changing, and hopefully growing and becoming stronger, more meaningful, ever-lasting.

Especially with my NHF family -- and it truly IS a family, as most church-related friendships have the greater potential to be -- I hope and long for a constant kind of friendship. I have been through so much with some of the folks at NHF: C, JKA, Soy, et al. and I can't imagine life without them now OR in the future. I know it's incumbent upon me to not give up on these relationships, when times get stressful and busy, or when events or outside forces impact on our lives, or when things don't go the way I want them to. I have to keep my eye on the big picture, not get freaked out by the change itself, but look forward to the positive results of the changes ...

***

SMALL PLEASURES . . .

I'm going to see John Mayer at the Garden tonight. I have been so intensely studying his second album for the past week, I completely forgot about his first. Hooch and I must have a review on the way down to the city this evening ...

AND, I'm going to Florida for three days with my Little Old Ladies in the middle of December. I need to get away and be with my ladies for a little bit ...

***

SCROOGE? . . .

I am not into this holiday season AT ALL. I know I have much to be thankful for this year, but I'm not in the mood to be surrounded by six small frenetic little children and crying babies at the dinner table on Thursday. Thinking about purchasing Christmas gifts, or organizing holiday get-togethers is making me panic and want to scream, or alteratively, crawl into bed and take a nap. And I am not not NOT looking forward to New Year's Eve, with no honey to smooch (though I think it's mostly overrated anyway) and just another year of ups and downs to expect.

Grrrrrrrr.

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