IT'S JUST ME . . .

I have lately been informed by several parties that I am a woman of weirdness. Not like Michael Jackson is weird, but in the sense that I possess unusual hang-ups, unique quirks, unintelligible preferences. At the urging of some friends, here are some of the few qualities that make me ... me:

-- I can't eat pudding or Jello or any other mushy food item without gagging, but I strangely love creme brulee and oatmeal.

-- I am afraid to go ice skating because I am convinced that I will fall on my hands and knees, and then someone will skate right over my fingers, slicing off all ten fingertips.

-- I don't like ice cream in general, but when I DO have the occasional craving for it, it has to be melted to the point where it's almost soupy and I can slurp it up with my spoon.

-- I could have chicken fried rice every day, as long as I had hot mustard and kimchi with it.

-- I hate talking on the phone because it seems so impersonal ... but I love IM-ing and emailing because it seems MORE personal and I can express myself better.

-- I won't eat shellfish that I have to slurp from the shell: oysters, clams, mussels. ICK. GAG.

-- If I am having a dream that I am enjoying or wish to see through to its conclusion, then even if I wake up in the middle of it and go to the bathroom, I can return to bed and will myself back into the dream, right where I left off.

-- I live and work in towns that have express commuter train service into NYC ... but I prefer to drive into the city.

-- I perceive myself as being actually three or four inches taller than I am. When I see photos of myself standing with others, I am surprised that I am so much shorter than they are.

-- I can't sleep if I don't floss my teeth and stretch for about five minutes.

-- My morning ritual at home is untouchable: I need to have complete silence towards me almost until the moment I leave the house for work. I will barely say "good morning" to my parents or my grandmother as I trudge around the house getting ready. I need the silence to gather my thoughts, plan my day, organize myself, and just be ME. If someone engages me in conversation or interrupts my morning reverie, it throws off my entire day, and sometimes even puts me in a horrid mood for hours.

-- My morning ritual away from home, on vacations or retreats and the like, is equally set most of the time: I like to wake earlier than everyone else, take the first (always the more leisurely) shower during which I do my thought-gathering and day-planning, get dressed and ready in utter silence and sometimes even complete darkness while my roommates continue to slumber, then lay back down on the bed to think or read or daydream while my friends start to wake and start their own days.

-- I like my cereal near-dry and my pasta near-sauceless. In fact, I get annoyed if I'm served pasta that has a sauce that drips off the noodle.

-- Korean food, I can cook without recipes -- everything is a dash of this, a dash of that, enough of this, enough of that, some of this just for fun, none of that because it smells funny, and stick my finger in it and taste it when it's almost done. Non-Korean food, I'm lost without my measuring cups and spoons and an accurate recipe telling me EXACTLY what to do EXACTLY when. But I'm easing up on that too just because it's annoying to be tied to a cookbook.

-- When I cook, my area has to be sparkling clean and neat at all times. The moment I use a utensil and finish with it, it goes in the sink; the instant I'm done prepping, all the garbage and scraps get thrown away and the counter wiped down; I do the dishes while sauce is reducing or vegetables are blanching. I am my own full kitchen staff. In other words, when the finished product comes out of the oven or is turned out onto a platter, I don't want to have to do anything else, and the kitchen damn well better be as clean as it was when I started. So when friends ask if they can help me cook something ... I almost always apologetically say NO because almost none of them are as neat and meticulous (another word for "anal," I'm informed) as I am. Sorry.

-- I looooove doing the dishes and would be soooo happy as a dishwasher in a restaurant, but will avoid doing even my own laundry as long as I possibly can.

-- I own and fully operate five calendars.

-- Though I am a typical girl in most ways, I usually do not enjoy shopping aimlessly. I figure out what I want and/or need, then BAM! Go in and get it.

-- You THINK I'm extroverted ... but I'm 100% introvert and would rather be by myself than be with you. Unless you are ... well, you know who you are. No offense to anyone else, of course. Smirk.