TV FOR SCHIZOS . . .

Today was a rough day, and I needed a brainless evening. But it didn't turn out quite as I intended. Instead of zoning out to some senseless sit-com and being embarrassed about laughing at the canned jokes, I found myself thoroughly immersed in ... drumoll, please ... "Maternity Ward" and the evening lineup on HGTV: "Designers' Challenge," "Design on a Dime" and "House Hunters." Am I weird, or am I weird?

"Maternity Ward" always makes me cry. Now knowing so many women friends who have had babies or who are pregnant, and especially thinking of M, who could have been an episode of "Maternity Ward" all by herself, tonight's viewing was particularly weep-inducing. There was a twin born with his intestines completely developed outside his body; the pediatric surgeon had to cut a tiny hole in his abdomen and gently push it all back in where it belonged. There was a woman with triplets who had to be cut open early because the middle baby wasn't growing enough; that made me laugh actually because C is always joking that I'm going to have triplets so that he and M can come visit me in the hospital and bring me snacks. (I AM the queen of inappropriate laughter, after all.) There was a woman who delivered a premature baby ... and the baby weighed over NINE POUNDS. Yikes. Talk about intense ...

... but that was interspersed with "before" and "after" shots of one family's 20-year-old kitchen on "Designers' Challenge." It looked a lot like what our kitchen will look like ... if these guys ever decide to finish it. Sheesh. I have all these nice things from Williams-Sonoma ready to be used, guys! "Design on a Dime" transformed one dude's guest bedroom into something that now looks like a W Hotel room, complete with the mod bedding, monochromatic themes and floating shelves. Those floating shelves are cool in theory and look, but I just don't trust that they'll hold up. Also, I tend to break things that don't normally break, but that's a story for another day. The next episode revamped a woman's living room into a 'tropical paradise' but the bright blue walls were blinding. I had to switch back to "Maternity Ward" for a moment. And finally, "House Hunters" followed a young Korean-American couple as they found their PERFECT home ... which they then gutted and totally remodeled. I was also perturbed that they were so bland and boring. I hope I don't turn out like them.

And soon, I shall prepare for bed, and turn my mind to more scholarly pursuits. I am torn: do I fall asleep while reading a trashy romance, David McCullough's Truman, Motley Fool's Guide to Investing, last week's Sports Illustrated or browsing my mortgage application? Choices, choices ...

All I know is, tomorrow is a new day, and by the grace of God, I will live to see it and appreciate it's newness and not have to watch schizo TV again ...