YOU KNOW IT'S COLD WHEN . . .

. . . your contact lenses freeze onto your eyeballs. NOT a pleasant experience.

. . . even the "cool" kids who insist on loitering by the town pizzeria are bundled up like their mothers insisted: big fat boots, dorky wool hats, grandma's knit scarves, puffy insulated gloves, five layers on top and bottom and bright green earmuffs.

. . . your car won't warm up ... after 20 minutes on the road.

. . . you buy a cup of freshly-made coffee at Dunkin' Donuts, and it becomes lukewarm the instant you step out the door onto the street.

. . . you stare up at the brightly shining sun and it appears to be mocking you with its distance from Earth. Or that could just be my own overactive imagination.

. . . the steam rising from the local sewers creates a shield of fog you can't see through.

. . . you're wondering: "How many layers of naebok (Korean long underwear) can I wear to my social events tonight without appearing bloated or being a total nerd?"

. . . your allergies are acting up, but everything freezes before you can blow it out. Then there's buildup. And that's just ugly.

. . . you drink coffee continuously to try to stay warm, but then you have to go to the bathroom, which involves exposing some amount of skin, which would result in extreme cold exposure for your nether regions, so you try to hold it and hold it until the last possible moment, and then you just have a stomach ache, so you are left cursing the cold, because really, it's all the weather's fault.

. . . you take a big book and go read on the dusty floor in the boiler room just because it's the warmest place in the house.

. . . you have the epiphany: "I wouldn't even step outside right now to hie myself to a SPA."

***

SMALL WORLD . . .

Funny thing happened at my realtor's office today. She put me in touch with a mortgage broker who, as it turns out, graduated from the same law school as myself, and who has a son with whom I attended high school. I love stuff like that.

***

AND NOW . . .

I need to start my round of weekend socializing, so I'm going to go sit in a hot shower for a long while and try to bring my body up to normal temperature. Stay warm and safe, folks.