WHIRLWIND . . .

The NHF Praise Team's 24-hour retreat is over and I'm home now ... home, sweet home. (Incidentally, there really IS no place like home. Even if it's home with your parents and Gran, even if it's home that still has the furniture from 4th grade and wallpaper from 10th grade, even if it's home with the crazy loud squirrels playing tag outside your window at 5:00 a.m. again.)

My mind is spinning. My heart is in an uproar. My ears are ringing. My brain is moving too fast for me to catch it and slow it down. My eyes are droopy and tired. My shoulders are both weary and tightly cramped.

Of course, the first thing I do when I get home and am settled is turn on Bob, my trusty computer. Although I've only been away for twenty-four hours, I feel as though I have been out of touch with the world for weeks on end. What could have possibly happened in the last day that would be so momentous that I had to read about it? Goodness, anything. Only a quick review of the news will give me the small measure of peace that will allow me to move on with the rest of my night, allow me to believe that the world is right (or as right as it will ever be), allow me to understand that I haven't missed anything, that everything is rolling right along, as it should. I spoke with C about how I marvel at people who don't follow the news, who don't read newspapers or at least browse the headlines, who don't care or don't want to care because it's just too much, or it's not interesting enough. I sometimes wonder, though, if those people don't have the right idea ... but that's a tangent for another day.

Trying to organize my thoughts at this moment is impossible ... I can only now manage jottings, ramblings, small thought bubbles that pop up now and then unannounced ...

Thought Bubble: the retreat theme was Ultra-Violet. One can't see UV rays, but we know they exist. One can't see God, but we should know He exists. One can't see a spirit of worship, but we should know it exists and can be created and can be mysteriously, crazily awesome.

Thought Bubble: we have something inside us, soooo deep we don't even recognize (or won't even recognize) that it's there, but when it's released, it will come roaring forth with a vengeance in proportion to how long, how much, how strongly it has been suppressed. That is what we are made to do, to crave the ability and opportunity to express ourselves, to worship He who created us, in Whose very IMAGE we are created.

Thought Bubble: just because we are a church band, does not nullify the fact that we are also a musical organization; we need to practice and rehearse. It is in expending the time and energy and sweat and even tears, that God will reward us and bless us. We can't just say "we're a church band, the Spirit will work in us" or "we're a church band, we can only rely on the Spirit." Yes, we CAN only rely on the Spirit, but if we don't practice, we just aren't going to sound good.

Thought Bubble: listening to each other, being in tune with each other musically and mentally and emotionally ... is counter-intuitive and hard, especially for us, who are all friends, who all "know" each other, who all can make musical assumptions about each other. We need to bust out of this comfort zone. We need to start over. We need to work on it. I'm ready to work on it.

Thought Bubble: people don't like change. But change is necessary.

Thought Bubble: our team is going to have to grow up awfully fast, awfully soon. It's going to be all about honesty, sensitivity, rebuking, listening, compromise, learning even if you think you already know everything, changing, and leaving our egos at the door ... nay, not even bringing them to the threshold. Yikes ... and yay!

Alright ... I have more thought bubbles but they are going to have to wait until morning when I can remember everything that was tossed my way today ... but for now, she sleeps.