I SPY . . .

I took my parents, Gran and my grand-aunt out to dinner tonight at -- gasp! -- Todai, a Japanese-style sushi buffet restaurant. I gasp because I felt like an absolute traitor, giving money and even a tip to the restaurant chain that is in direct competition with Jaime's Minado, run by the Masheta Group. But our friends assured me I would be serving a valuable purpose and fulfilling a lifelong dream: TO BE A SPY.

So here is my top secret report, based upon two hours of reconnoissance:

SECTION ONE: THE SITE
Todai -- at least the one in NY -- is small. It is decorated with many neon lights and bizarrely electric colors (such as electric blue and yellow) that lend the dining area a very commercial and frenetic ambiance. The overhead lights -- pendant-style opaque fixtures reveal the shadows of dead bugs lying in the lamps' trays. Gross! For a small restaurant, the layout is spacious enough, but the tables are set together haphazardly, so that a table of six guests sit at three tables, but they will not reconcile evenly with each other. This makes for many jabbed ribs and snagged sweaters. The buffets lie along the far rear wall, but are half the length of Minado's buffets. Human traffic does not flow easily back here, as it is difficult to determine where one is supposed to start lining up for food. In addition, the bright neon lights above the food products cause a condition similar to sun glare, in which the patrons are blinded and bump into each other. I'm not kidding. Plus, I hate having to fight small children for cooked shrimp and cocktail sauce. Really, I always end up looking like the bad guy.

SECTION TWO: THE FOOD
The food gets a solid C-. I have only been to two Minado outlets, but in each one, I have been overwhelmed by the mere size and variety of the dishes and sushi choices offered. At one Minado, I could not even see the end of the buffet and wondered if I could burn enough calories walking the buffet line to justify how much dinner I would inhale. At Todai, I was underwhelmed. Not only could I see all of the restaurant's offering in one glance, I could also note that there wasn't much of each dish.

Each roll was sliced into only about ten or so pieces, and spread out pathetically on a large white sushi platter. Note to food service outlets everywhere: if you want to make a little look like a lot, do not -- DO NOT -- put it on a huge platter that dwarfs the food and enhances the fact that you only have a wee bit of it. Doi. Get some snotty 11-year-old kid in front of the California rolls, and of course he's going to grab six pieces in one snatch. There's nothing sadder than four slices of California roll sitting in the middle of a 14" x 14" plate. Oh, and speaking of California rolls ... try to spell everything correctly. It's not "Callifornia." (I also noted "arrugula" and "nooodles.") The rolls tasted fine -- I am no sushi connoisseur; I just eat it if it is edible. But they were WEENIE-SIZED. At Minado, I am often faced with the dilemma: how can I bite this roll in half without (1) getting everything stuck in my teeth, or (2) breaking it up and making all the insides spatter all over my plate. At Todai, I popped each roll into my mouth and still had room to carry on a conversation without disenchanting my dinner companions.

The cooked shrimp were mushy. That's just weird. I've read that you are not to overcook shrimp, so that they are crunchy and totally firm, but that's how I like it! Todai's cooked shrimp LOOKED mushy on the platter, and WAS mushy. In fact, it reminded me of the frozen cooked shrimp that you buy at BJ's Wholesale Club or Sam's Club -- when you thaw it and don't use it immediately, it gets kind of mushy and emits warm shrimp juice. I have concluded that Todai must get its cooked shrimp from one of those wholesale clubs, then leaves it out until it melts, then lightly rinses it before putting it out for public consumption. Bleh.

The udon noodles were overcooked and mushy. Blech.

The pickled ginger was generic, but the wasabi (1) was dry and flaky, and (2) didn't have the nice design swirled onto the top of the wasabi pile with a butter knife. I don't know why, but the decorative swirl makes all the difference. Isn't that why people get Master's Degrees in icing cakes and cookies?

Todai offered maybe seven cold or salad-ish dishes, and maybe eight hot dishes, to which I say "BEH!" with utmost scorn. I guess I wouldn't be as critical if I felt that the presentation was abundant and beautiful, but it didn't even have those basic qualities. I stood in front of every dish (1) wondering why no one bothered to make it look pretty and inviting and appetizing, and (2) feeling bad that I would soon be spooning some onto my plate, because I had a sneaking suspicion the kitchen didn't have enough food to put out. For a buffet restaurant, there was no sense of "I can go back as much as I want, and there will always be enough food for me." All of the food tasted alright ... but I just did not feel emotionally well eating it.

The desserts were decent, though the creme brulee was overcooked. However, there was a crepe station. That was kind of cool.

SECTION THREE: PLATES
Speaking of plates ... we initially could not find them. At Minado, the plates are either stacked at the beginning of a buffet station, or are contained in little rolling carts at the start of every buffet station. At Todai, dad actually had to ask the manager where he was hiding the plates. FYI: they are under the counter in random spots. Just look for them.

SECTION FOUR: SERVICE & STAFF
The service gets a solid D-. There wasn't any. They never cleared our used plates. It took three go-arounds to catch someone to order beverages. They never refilled our water. They never asked if we wanted tea or coffee. They only paid fervent attention to us when it was time to pay the bill. Naturally.

SECTION FIVE: CONCLUSION
Go to Minado. Better ambiance. More attentive staff. Better and more food. Fresher fish. Lighting that is easier on the eyes. Also, I lifted many non-essential items, including the drink menu, the paper placemat, a Todai Bonus Card application, and business card. I have placed them in an envelope labeled "Jaime's Top Secret File." Hehehe.

***

LOVE CONNECTION . . .

There are friends in the world that you don't see all the time. But it doesn't mean you don't love them any less, or that the friendship is any less important to you.

I was reminded of that today, when I saw my L.O.L.'s for the first time in months. I saw Yang briefly through my car door -- a quick hello with just enough time for a peck on each other's cheeks. I kidnapped the Chief of Staff and nearly killed her while running a red light on Houston Street (again, this doesn't mean I love her any less). I was greeted with a big hug by my Janey as I walked into Wonger's bridal shower. I watched Wonger be surrounded by her beloved lady friends for the next three hours. I commiserated with Snoozy about work and ... toddler potty training. I don't really know how or why I commiserated about toddler potty training, but I did.

It was refreshing. When you don't see supposedly close friends in a long time, you are -- or at least, I am -- struck by a small sense of insecurity. Are you still friends? Are you still close? Can you still make each other laugh and be each other's shoulder to cry on? Do you still have stories to tell and things to discover about each other? Do you still like each other? Are the differences that cropped up over time divisive, or do they make each other more interesting and well-rounded?

Today, I learned yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And, the former. And there is no "supposedly." It is in these moments of revelation and warmth that I realize that for all that I don't have, I have more than I think I do. And that's just freakin' fantastic.