WORD . . .

It's on. Summer Restaurant Week 2004 is upon us. I can't afford it, but who cares? LET'S EAT.

***

MINCING WORDS . . .

Today, I was very closely tailgated down a stretch of a local highway by two jerks in a tan chevrolet. At a stop light, we both stopped, and the passenger in the other car called out to me through my open driver's side window: "Hey, do you like white boys?"

At this point, my brain stopped mincing words. WHAT THE FUCK? My first instinct was to laugh, but instead I smirked and said, "NO."

Then, as the light turned green and I stepped on my accelerator, I heard words that made my blood boil almost to bursting: "Yeah, well I don't like Chinese girls either."

WHAT THE FUCK?

FIRST OF ALL, I am not fucking Chinese.

SECOND OF ALL, why are you asking me such a fucking stupid question, you doughy asshole? Would you like me to say "yes, I love white boys who dominate me and make me feel submissive as we all know all Asian women really are?" WHAT THE FUCK? NO WAY. If I have anything to say about it, I'll be prosecuting idiotic assholes like you in the near future and I'll be cackling with glee as I watch you be hauled off in chains to go to jail to see who ELSE likes white boys.

THIRD OF ALL, don't be asking me that question because it just emphasizes what a complete dick you are.

FOURTH OF ALL, don't be asking me that question because it just makes me do this: TAN CHEVROLET 4-DOOR SEDAN, NEW YORK STATE LICENSE PLATE AJM-8860. The doughy white-boy driver and his doughy white-boy asshole friend are ASSHOLES. Be warned.

FIFTH OF ALL, my answer is STILL "NO" and it will forever emphatically be "NO" because you, asshole, are one in a loooong line of assholish white men who have completely ruined your ilk for me. You have constantly proven yourselves, with very limited and few exceptions, to be bigoted, racist, condescending, immature, utterly stupid, frat-boy-ish (which is NOT a good thing, asshole), uneducated (yellow don't automatically mean Chinese, asshole) and totally unpleasant to be around in any fashion, even when sharing the road together.

I hope you, Tan Chevrolet 4-door sedan, New York State license plate AJM-8860, get your just desserts in the ugliest and most humiliating way possible, because with a few simple words, you ruined my day and emphasized for me why people like you SUCK.

I know, I know ... there will be those of you out there thinking: "but she's Christian and she uses such foul language" or "how can she say she believes one thing and then express such hatred and anger at another thing?" Well ... thus is my constant dilemma. All I know right now, seeing nothing but red flow across my eyes and feeling the sting of humiliation and anger at not having gotten the last word, is that I'm sick of taking this shit lying down. It is NOT ok to humiliate me just because I'm a Christian. It is NOT ok to be an asshole just because you're not. Tan Chevrolet 4-door sedan, New York State license plate AJM-9960, you are NOT ok. You suck.

ASSHOLE.