AHEM . . .

The following is an actual, precise copy of an Associated Press news release:

Boy in Norway Luggage Conveyor Belt
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: July 27, 2004
Filed at 9:18 a.m. ET

OSLO, Norway (AP) -- A four-year-old boy caused chaos at a Norwegian airport this week when he crawled on a luggage conveyor belt and road it like it was a merry-go-round.

I'm sorry, but when was the last time you ROAD a conveyor belt? When was the last time you ROAD anything?

Oh, for crying out loud ... do I have to do everything around here?!