FAUX CAMPING . . .

Borrowed extra tent that "only leaks when it rains" ... CHECK.
Favorite old-school too-big-and-bulky-to-be-cool red plaid sleeping bag ... CHECK.
Trekking shorts and hiking shoes ... CHECK.
KitchenAid, ruby red helmet and Camelbak ... CHECK.
Dorky headlamp essential for late-night rounds of SuperScrabble ... CHECK.
Assigned food shopping and provisions list ... CHECK.
Alleged ownership of a sleepmat/flexi-chair, tin plate and quick-dry microfiber towel ... CHECK.
SuperScrabble and Buh-Bo ... CHECK.
Three humongous campsite reservations, with fire pits and proximity to toilets, hot water and hot showers ... CHECK.
Nerdy friend who has all sorts of faux and real camping gear, a/k/a nerdy gadgets ... CHECK.
Bug spray, sunscreen, travel-size toiletries, delicious and NOT BLAND Tom's of Maine Toothpaste for everyone to try ... CHECK.

I'm all ready for faux-camping.

***

SAPPITY SAP SAP . . .

Without fail, I start bawling uncontrollably while watching shows such as "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." I know they are just television shows, and I know that I'm the big sucker sitting there watching them, but my heart does become very full when I see people getting something really big and really great that they could never imagine ever getting, or seeing people's lives changed in small but significant ways, for the better. I always thought I wept because I was a big sap, easily susceptible to tugging of the heartstrings, with the capital letters "S U C K E R" written in permanent marker across my forehead.

But no. I have identified why I cry. I cry because I wish I could do something that great and meaningful for people. I wish I could boost someone's confidence, impart good advice, teach someone a minor but still useful skill. I wish I could create something beautiful for someone with my sweat and muscles and hands and imagination. I wish I had the ability to bring comfort to someone who needed cheering up and provide for someone in need. I wish I had the talent and widsom to make someone's life better, either by giving them a new outlook on life, or by changing their environment into a pleasing, energizing one.

I cry because I don't feel I can do these things yet, if ever, and in a way, that makes me feel very sad and bittersweet inside. I hate to think that I might live my whole life doing nothing of consequence for anyone else in the world, and my presence, my meaning in this world will have been wasted, selfishly and stupidly wasted. I shudder at the thought that I might be so myopic and so self-absorbed that I might one day lose the ability to look outside myself and at the needs and hearts of others. I become weary at the prospect that I might be too busy to or not physically capable of volunteering my time and energy to make someone else's life better. And then, of course, in the same way that I am a sympathetic puker, I cry because I see people on the television screen crying. Maybe I am simply a sap after all ...

***

READING RESOLUTIONS . . .

Must hit up some more Dostoyevsky and initiate another reading of The Aeneid ... you know, just some light beach reading. Am making excellent headway through "Truman" -- excellent and VERY interesting read. Ignore the fact that it weighs as much as your SUV and give it a shot ... Just finished "Benjamin Franklin: An American Life." We all know the guy was a jerk so I was annoyed that Walter Isaacson fawned over him and badmouthed my beloved John Adams, but oh well. Bygones.