SHAKING IN MY BOOTS . . .

I'm so scared right now. What else am I supposed to feel when I wake up to headlines that say "NEW YORK CITED IN TERROR ATTACK PLANS"? What else am I supposed to feel when news cameras follow construction crews setting up concrete barricades around metropolitan-area financial institutions allegedly cited in these plans? What else am I supposed to feel when all I can see when I close my eyes are the planes flying into the World Trade Center towers over and over and over again? What else am I supposed to feel when I know that my friends who work in the city, my parents who work in the city, my friends who live in the city, are going to be in the city? What else am I supposed to feel when the power goes out in my courthouse for no apparent reason?

I am shuddering in abject fear, and it sits like a boulder in the pit of my stomach. This fear prevents me from digesting my food correctly, from relaxing my shoulders and laughing at a funny joke with abandon, from easily letting my friends and family members travel or even leave my sight, from sleeping a night without dim, shadowy, frightening nightmares. This fear makes me read a terrorist plot into everything that goes awry, want to tell my loved ones that I love them over and over and over again just in case, want to not go to sleep so I can watch CNN non-stop in case something happens, want to not wake up in case something did happen while I was lazily sleeping.

I know I am not to live in fear, to not fear death, to not fear anything this world can throw at me. I know that God will not put anything in my path, in our paths, that we cannot handle. I know that God is merciful and gracious and all-powerful and all-knowing. I know that anything a bunch of thug terrorists can do to me, I can overcome. I know that God loves even them. I know that our police and security are dedicated and single-minded in providing protection and aid. I know that right now, at this moment, they are doing all they can, even in the 100% humidity, 80-degree nighttime heat. I know all this ...

But I still shed a tear or two because I'm scared and there's nothing anyone can do about that.