WHACK IT . . .

After work, despite being weak from a lunch that decided to revisit the issue, I decided to recreate The Perfect Drive at the local golf range. Hmmmm. My lunch came back, but The Perfect Drive didn't. How interesting.

Poor me, coming from a family of accomplished golfers (Omma kicks Appa's butt all the time, and most of his friends!) ... if I'm not veering to the right, I'm dribbling the ball in front of me like I'm playing freakin' cricket. If I remember to stick my arm to my side, I get good height, but my wrists are sore from gripping too hard. If I relax my fingers, the club nearly flies out of my hands. I am officially a menace to society. Sigh.

Stress release? Eh, not yet. But I do have some neat jigs to go along with every errant shot. Accompanied by a lovely soundtrack worthy of a weathered longshoreman, naturally.

***

TONIGHT'S TELEVISION ROUND-UP . . .

Lost: this show might possibly be too scary for me. Polar bears on a tropical island? FREAKING ME OUT, PEOPLE! The lack of a musical soundtrack or any other extraneous background noise? FREAKING ME OUT. Korean-American actors speaking Korean on a major network without subtitles, as if this is totally normal? FREAKING ME OUT SOME MORE. (Although I had a good chuckle at the Korean male actor. His Korean, not so good. He learn phonetically, me think so. He gots to go. Ooh, I know. I'll be free as of August 2005. They should hire me. I speak Korean good.)

The Apprentice: I was torn about watching "The Apprentice" tonight, for it conflicts with "CSI." My plan was to tape one and watch the other, but a big warning box in the instruction manual for my VCR reads "NOTE: recording one channel while watching another will NOT work with a cable box or satellite." Sigh. Anyway, I still love that Rudy Giuliani has a plaque on his desk that says "I'M RESPONSIBLE." His story is that if one wants to be a leader, one must take -- and be willing to take -- responsibility for everything -- everything -- that happens under his or her watch. Ain't that the truth ... Jen C. is a bitch. Plain and simple. I mean, all those women are, and I dare say half of them are stupid to boot. You're in a competition, ladies. GROW UP and DEAL WITH IT. And I love love LOVE how much Carolyn (a/k/a "Princess Diana") hates the team of women. She's right about one thing though -- they are an embarrassment to businesswomen. At least Jen C. is gone. We need listen to her interrupting obnoxious no longer. Thank you, God!

***

ANSWER ME THIS . . .

Haven't you ever wanted to be a doctor so that you could heal a loved one who needs healing in a major and miraculous way? Haven't you ever wished interpersonal relationships could progress smoothly and satisfactorily all the time? Haven't you ever wished you could love someone with your whole heart and without envy, regret, pain or recriminations? Haven't you ever longed for the days when you felt most free, most at ease, most happy and light-hearted? Haven't you ever hoped that you might go an entire season without becoming ill? Haven't you ever wished love might find you, instead of you having to go look for it? Haven't you ever longed to give everyone you know everything they would ever want or need, from the most necessary to the most frivolous and luxurious? Haven't you ever wished you knew everything about everything? Haven't you ever wished you could read someone's mind, and then say back to them "I hear you. Me too."? Haven't you ever been devastated by unmet expectations and sudden disappointments? Haven't you ever wished some people would go away for a little bit, and others would stay forever and ever? Haven't you ever wished you were really, really good at something? Haven't you ever wished you had more time, just a little bit more time? Haven't you ever wished you could relive just one day, one week, one month, one time, over and over and over again?

Yeah. Me too.