MORPHEUS, PLEASE . . .

It's 12:33 a.m., and the old me has inexplicably returned: I can't sleep.

Never mind that I woke at six o'clock this morning to have a thorough workout at the gym. Never mind that I only had one cup of coffee at 8:30 in the morning. Never mind that I put in a full day of work, complete with a hearty lunch. Never mind that I drank plenty of water throughout the day and night. Never mind that I had a satisfying dinner, then a long night of bowling (don't ask). Never mind that I was nearly lulled to sleep in the car on the way home by the strains of Sarah McLachlan, staring into the weird electric-blue lights of PEd's car stereo. Never mind that I dragged my nearly-snoring self up the stairs to my apartment, and fumbled with my keys for endless seconds before managing to get my door open. Never mind that I sleepwalked through changing into pajamas, brushing and flossing, washing my face, peeing.

The second I lay down, my brain went into frenetic overdrive, my stomach started cramping and my eyes popped open, apparently never to be shut again. So here I am. This bites.

A.D.D. moment #1: en route to the bowling alley, we drove through a neighborhood in which I had never been before in my life. Yet I recognized it, for the very same two blocks, the very same street, the very same Tudor apartment complex, and the very same gas station and traffic light had appeared in a dream I had dreamt several months ago. A dream so vivid, I can still remember the very words I uttered in it, and to whom I uttered them. Say it with me now, people: creepy.

A.D.D. moment #2: people like me should not read books like "The Da Vinci Code." But I did. And people like me should not then pick up and devour books like "Angels & Demons." But I did. And now, as expected, everywhere I turn, I see cryptograms, symbology, Masonic icons, mundane items turned into curious shapes, innocent utterings transformed into meaningful code words. Conspiracies abound (as I always suspected they did), and I am evermore determined to unearth them all.

This might be why I don't sleep.