BAAAAAAA . . .

I have the sheep bloat again. Baaaaa.

***

MOSEYING . . .

Alright, I know I often wax poetic about the wonders of Whole Foods Market. And rightly so -- WFM is indeed magnificent. But today, I discovered a place even more so: the A&P Fresh Supermarket two towns up.

I understand that it's new -- it only opened about seven months ago. I understand that in about five years, it will be run-down, messy, dusty, unorganized, dulled, just like every other supermarket out there. I understand that the Artisan bread might not be so fresh, the meat not so pink, the fish not so supple, the vegetables not so crisp, the prepared foods so crust-free. But for now, it's grocery heaven on earth, and were it not for two things, I would have lingered there all evening.

***

TWO THINGS . . .

1. I peed every thirty minutes today -- full-on, full-force, full-length pees -- all day long. And the day's not over.

2. It rained a lot today. Which means I was stuck in traffic a lot. Which means I was stuck in traffic holding my pee. Which means that I peed in Target. AND in the new A&P Fresh Supermarket. AND as soon as I arrived home from the new A&P Fresh Supermarket. AND after I prepared dinner but before I sat down to eat. I just don't know what it is. Twenty minutes have passed ... stay tuned ....

***

VANILLA INDULGENCE . . .

I have this thing about food in the bathroom: one shouldn't have any of the former in the latter.

In our private bathroom at work, we have a can of air freshener called "Vanilla Indulgence." (WHY they couldn't just call it "vanilla" is beyond me, but the "indulgence" sure is a nice touch.) It freaks me out just to smell it -- why in the world would there be a vanilla scent near the toilet? It just makes no logical sense to me, and my brain stops functioning properly when the food scent collides with ... the bathroom scent.

Sometimes I'll walk into a bathroom -- at church, at a friend's house, even at my own house during a gathering -- and there will be food-related items in the garbage can. A cup that formerly held soda. A plate that formerly carried crudites. A wooden stick that formerly held together an ice cream popsicle. A foil bag that formerly held potato chips. A fork, a pair of chopsticks, a used napkin.

Why? When I think about food and the bathroom, all I can think is, "and never the twain shall meet." Why in the world would you bring your soda to the toilet? Why would anyone finish up their appetizer while sitting on the can? Why would you poo and suck on an ice cream pop at the same time? Oy, I gag at the very imagined thought.

Now, I'm no germ-o-phobe. I sit on the toilet seat, almost no matter what, in almost any locale. I don't use my paper towel to open the bathroom door before throwing it out behind me as I leave. But there's something about knowing that the same air that touched my you-know-what is touching my food. Ew, ew and ew.

And so it is that I use the Vanilla Indulgence reluctantly, gagging all the way ...