THE ONLY TIME I EVER LOVED THE MALL . . .

So, yesterday was rainy and grey and cool and gloomy, but in a happy sort of way. Mabel, her hubs and I were at a loss for a way with which to occupy ourselves, so naturally, we headed to the mall. I needed some retail therapy, y'all.

Not three minutes into our shopping expedition, Mabel and I are standing in Sephora, when a man bumps my ankles with the baby stroller he's pushing. He gestures frantically to his wife, who is checking out lipstick next to Mabel, and loudly whispers, "Hey! Hey! Mariano Rivera is here! Mariano Rivera just walked by! You know, the Yankees closer! Mariano Rivera!" I sort of stared at him, thinking, "dude, your stroller just hit my ankle, and all you can think about is Mariano Rivera?" And my next thought, "MARIANO RIVERA?!" I flipped my head to look at Mabel, who had heard it all and was already giving me an understanding look. "Mabel, I gotta --" "Go," she said, with complete grace and patience. What's a girl to do when faced with the choice of makeup or Mariano? My choice was clear.

I high-tailed it out of Sephora and followed Stroller Man and his very-pregnant-and-waddling wife as they skipped down the crowded mall-way. It seemed all of a sudden to me that every single person in the mall was a man, and every single man was wearing a Yankees cap or a jersey or a t-shirt. Where was mine?! Lesson learned: wear my Yankees paraphernelia everywhere I go, or at least have it stashed in my bag so I can whip it on when necessary. The thing about Stroller Man, though, is that even with his humongously awkward wife at his side, the dude could RUN. I had him until he was about halfway down the corridor, then I totally lost him. And at the same time, I realized that I was half-walking, half-running after him in a not-completely-unsuspicious manner. If I were in a movie, I'd be the dudes looking for Tom Cruise in "The Minority Report." Sketchy.

So I turned back to Sephora and Mabel, whom I had so indelicately ditched. We buzzed a bit about whether or not it was true, that Mariano really was in the building, and headed out to meet her hubs. Our fortuitous path took us past the Gucci store. And LO! HE WAS THERE. I could recognize the back of his head, with its strange and uneven balding pattern, from a mile away and with a blindfold on! Now, I have never stepped foot in the Gucci store. I can't afford to breathe the air in there, and besides, even if I had the money to spend, Gucci just ain't my style. But with Mariano standing in there, it suddenly became my style. I told Mabel to get her camera out of her bag, and we strolled in, looking as spastic and out-of-place as could be. Funny moment: about 89% of the people in Gucci were also there to ogle Mariano. Mabel and I must have passed about five people whispering, "that's him, that's him!" Sad. I'm glad Mabel and I weren't whispering like that; that would've been pathetic.

Realizing that the inside of Gucci probably wasn't the most appropriate place to start snapping photographs, Mabel and I left the store and loitered on the bench right outside. Mariano came out with his family, and dang, that's when the wind left my sails. It suddenly occurred to me that the dude had a day off for once, what with the rain-out and all, and there he was with his children and extended family, trying to chill out at the mall, do some shopping, hang with the kids, be normal. What kind of jerk would I be if I disturbed their day, just to say hi to a complete stranger (though of course, I feel I really know him in my heart of hearts, you know), just to get a stupid photograph inside a stupid mall, just to be able to say to people "I met Mariano Rivera"? Is that really such a big deal? I supposed not ... besides, we made eye contact as he walked away, and that was good enough for me. Mabel will attest, I needed two minutes to catch my breath.

Later though ... I was in a changing room inside Ann Taylor when Mabel called me. I picked up to reassure her that I was still in the store; we had gotten separated and I didn't want her to think I ditched her again. But no. Sweet Mabel, always looking out for me and my interests. She was just calling to say that Mariano had just stepped into Ann Taylor, and I best get my butt out there to ogle him some more. Ahhh, friendship.