TRANSFORMATION . . .

Sometimes it happens quickly; other times, it can take years, eons really.

The best kind of transformation is birthing in me, I think. It's not that I was pessimistic about this year, but I did start 2006 in not quite as buoyant a spirit as I normally possess. Something about God showing me exactly what kind of a person I am, exactly what I must do to change the bad in me, exactly how I am to grow and mature and be a better person. Difficult stuff, to say the least. Even the grace and care of friends was and continues to be a little hard to accept and embrace. Looking inward ... not a bad thing, but not always the happiest thing either.

But grace pierces through. I'm so thankful that those who put a smile on my face continue to put a smile on my face. I'm so grateful for those who will stay up with me, laughing and crying with me, just watching and listening through the silences, hugging me and lifting my spirits in the smallest, but most valuable increments. I'm so glad that there is persistence in those who love me, which butts heads with and conquers the persistence in me that doesn't always allow me to love myself.

And most thankfully ... I'm finally excited for the NHF women's retreat this weekend. Planning has taken weeks; my spirits and attitude haven't always kept pace with the development of ideas, creative touches, frenetic last-minute details. I've struggled with myself to keep a smile on my face; Mabel and Flacon have struggled with me to allow myself to just be me and to seek after Life. Wrestling pays off. With less than a week to go, my hopes are revived and my expectations are high. I'm still tired, and there are still things in me that must be brought into the light so I can examine them more closely. Still ... God is great.

Sing it with me.