Thursday, June 29

IS THIS IT? . . .

Omma once suffered from hyper-thyroidism, and currently suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, mostly in her hands and fingers. Last year, after a long bout of fatigue and drastic weight loss, I started getting blood tests every three months because the first set of tests indicated a propensity for more of the same: lupus and RA. My numbers held steady ... and then I ran out of medical insurance.

I felt fine, though. The fatigue went away, and my weight leveled off. I figured missing a couple of sets of blood tests was doing me no harm -- I felt miraculously healed.

But ... and there's always a "but," isn't there?

The past month has seen a relapse of sorts. Not the fatigue and weight loss like last year, but something that plagues me even more. Complete sleeplessness: two nights ago was the first night in about four months during which I slept continuously for more than three hours. Sharper knee pain: oddly painless when exercising, piercingly aching when I'm just sitting still sometimes. Inexplicable muscle and joint aches in my bigger joints: my back feels like it's in a 24-hour vise. The other day, a friend massaged my lower back and shoulders for one hour; I was still tight and uncomfortable afterwards.

Someone once told me that the body changes after 30. I didn't believe her, thinking that lifestyle was stronger than physical age. But now I'm not so sure. Things hurt that never used to, and my recovery time is ... well, it sucks. I wonder -- is this it? Is this the beginning of the end for my body? Is it just maintenance from now on? And at what point do I bust out the drugs?

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