HAPPY NEW YEAR . . .

Is it not January 1st anymore? Hmmm, time flies.

I woke up feeling like today is my New Year's Day. Hard to explain coherently, as are most things rooted deep within one's soul ... it's not that I've been asleep for the past two and a half months, but I feel more engaged, more capable now, today, to cope with life and all that comes with it. Many doors closing, many more doors opening from now on. A longer, more intense workout. A change in my diet. A clean, vacuumed, dusted, Clorox-wiped home. A resolved misunderstanding. A renewed devotion. A job interview. A viable route for a career change, if I wish. A new understanding of the word "family." An adoption of commitment to flexibility and openness and constant reinterpretation of love. A daily attempt to surrender and be led.

It is so good to feel this hopeful. Being out of work has been soooo great ... and soooo demeaning at the same time. Seeing all my friends get married and have babies has been soooo great ... and soooo painful at the same time. Having the time to write, think, create, pray, drive and wander has been soooo great ... and soooo tedious at the same time. In so many things, I have ridden a roller-coaster ride of extreme highs and turbulent lows. In just a short span of time, I've been led to question so many things about myself and the people around me, and it has been way too easy to forget the foundational things that are every-important: the constancy and love of Jesus Christ, my family, my friends. Somehow, in all of this, I've forgotten how to hope and I've let go of the joy of hoping and looking forward with a wicked smile on my face.

I feel the wicked smile coming back. The fenceposts being dug up and cast aside. The charming naughtiness (if I do say so myself) percolating again. The trust being rebuilt. The heart being made willing and able to accept all the good things given to me. Watch out ... my year has begun.