IT'S TOO SOON . . .

It's too soon to be thinking about mortality. Dang, what a naive statement, if ever I made one! But it's true, I think.

She broke her ankle the other day and was surgerized (not a word, I know, but it's so fun and efficient to say) this evening. I have never seen her in a weak state before ... it boggles my mind to imagine her under anesthesia and having to recover from something, having to rely on others for strength and service she has always offered without complaint.

He is having heart trouble. He's been shaved, sedated, prodded, poked, stented, x-rayed more in the last month than anyone should have to endure in a lifetime. I have never seen his spirit tested this way before ... it pains me to see him being weakened thus in order to be strengthened later.

Car accidents, strained muscles, busted knees, persistent headaches, slips and falls, miserable colds, stress, anxiety, sleeplessness, forgetting to eat.

I felt tempted to feel like things are out of control, in my life and in the lives of thoe I love. It's bad enough when I grip tightly to my own days and find the hours slipping out of my grasp; I hate not being able to contain the days of those around me and hold their lives and bodies together as well. But this temptation, unlike others, is easy to put aside. Because I was reminded tonight that God IS in control, and His control is neither suffocating nor strangling; neither condescending nor misguided. His control is precise, benevolent, gentle, true, heavy in the way a favorite winter comforter is weighty and warm upon my body. Best of all, these reminders came to me via the hearts and mouths and email accounts of those upon whom I rely most, even when it's hard for me to take off my armor and ask for a friend to lean on. Especially when. Thank you.