YOU ARE INVITED . . .
To my pity party. For these are the things I want to shout today:
"IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! SOMETIMES IT'S ABOUT ME TOO!"
"I NEED SYMPATHY!"
"WHY DON'T YOU NEED ME? OR ANYONE, FOR THAT MATTER?"
"WHY IS MY MAIL DISAPPEARING?"
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE ME?"
"I NEED A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP!"
In the place of shouting, and the pity party (which is not that thrilling), I express myself in words. Thanks to TinyCricket and whoever else these questions belong to ...
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
The big picture: Living a full life, with a full God, in the fullness of all He's given to me.
The little picture: Good rest; tasty food; B time; being reminded that I am loved; a thrilling book.
What is your greatest fear?
Being alone.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Bags and Apple products.
What is your greatest regret?
Always, always: not thinking before acting.
When and where were you happiest?
At the Eagle Scout lodge (1991); Schapiro12 (1995-96); Nyack State Park & Beach (2005); playing nurse in February (2006).
Where would you like to live?
Manhattan, or anywhere within its reach.
Which talent would you most like to have?
The ability to pick up a guitar and play it like I know what's what.
What is your current state of mind?
Confused; exhausted; hopeful in a discouraged sort of way; sad; wishful.
What do you consider your most overrated virtue?
Organization. If they could only see the cluttered state of my inner self, I'd be exposed for the type-A fraud that I am.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would love to be slow to anger, slow to jump to conclusions, slow to be pessimistic. (I have to say in my defense, though -- I used to think being judgmental was a totally horrible, unfair characteristic to have. But as I get older, I think I'm starting to see that being judgING is a good thing. To have beliefs, standards, boundaries. Yes, I must be judicious and kind in how I judge me and those around me. But this judging is not an entirely bad thing. Anger, incorrect assumptions and pessimism, though ... yeah, I'd love to get rid of those, or at least convert them into something useful.)
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
I would love for my family to realize that their happiness and joy does not depend on me being married. Otherwise, they're all pretty great; I'd keep them just as they are.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I haven't achieved it yet.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"You know ..." and "I feel like ..."
On what occasion do you lie?
When I'm desperate to protect myself or someone I love.
What is your most treasured possession?
The cross around my neck; Bob and his family; my 12-year-old Bible and all my journals; my books.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Having God turn His face away.
What is your most marked characteristic?
I multi-task. A lot.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Thoughfulness towards and about everything and everyone. Faithfulness. Fearlessness in standing up for his beliefs and for what is right. Humility supported by strength. Also, a nice smell.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Confidence in her uniqueness. Warmth. Intelligence. Unrestrained laughter.
What do you most value in your friends?
The ability to trust myself in them, and to have them trust themselves in me.
Who are your favorite writers?
Jane Austen; C.S. Lewis; Annie Dillard; David McCullough.
Who is your favorite hero(ine) of fiction?
Atticus Finch, from To Kill a Mockingbird; Elizabeth Bennett, from Pride and Prejudice; Anne Shirley, from Anne of Green Gables.
Who are your heroes in real life?
My father.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?
Jesus Christ, and ... hee.
Which living person do you most admire?
My father.
Which living person do you most despise?
Kim Jong-Il.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Selfish, closed, inwardly-turned eyes and heart. This seems to be the root of everything else deplorable, doesn't it?
What is it that you most dislike?
Rudeness, exacerbated by an unawareness of that rudeness or an unwillingness to care to remove the rudeness.
How would you like to die?
Having lived a life of honour, integrity and joy.
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
Well, now, you know I don't believe in things like that. But if there were such a thing, I think I would like to come back as ... well, me again.
What is your motto?
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." (Ps. 31:24)
Sunday, November 12
IT'S FRIGHTENING . . .
When you're so tired and exhausted and your brain can't function to full capacity anymore, that you arrive home after a 10-minute drive and realize you have no idea how and when you got to your driveway. Thank goodness for latent memory.
***
IT'S IRONIC . . .
When really good dancers and rappers on "Showtime at the Apollo" have you so jacked up that you can't go to sleep.
***
IT'S GOOD TIMING . . .
When you normally really hate pizza, but the day before a scheduled pizza dinner, your taste buds are craving it.
***
IT'S FORTUNATE . . .
When you have to finally clean your house after a tornado-y two weeks in anticipation of guests. I thought I would suffocate from the mess, but had no energy to tidy up for my own benefit. Good to know I can still be shamed into cleanliness.
When you're so tired and exhausted and your brain can't function to full capacity anymore, that you arrive home after a 10-minute drive and realize you have no idea how and when you got to your driveway. Thank goodness for latent memory.
***
IT'S IRONIC . . .
When really good dancers and rappers on "Showtime at the Apollo" have you so jacked up that you can't go to sleep.
***
IT'S GOOD TIMING . . .
When you normally really hate pizza, but the day before a scheduled pizza dinner, your taste buds are craving it.
***
IT'S FORTUNATE . . .
When you have to finally clean your house after a tornado-y two weeks in anticipation of guests. I thought I would suffocate from the mess, but had no energy to tidy up for my own benefit. Good to know I can still be shamed into cleanliness.
Friday, November 10
AS IF! . . .
There are people out there who would just LOVE it if I could say ANYthing in a mere two words. Well, this one's for you, and you can thank Unlimited Mood for constraining me to two-word answers to the following questions.
1. Explain what ended your last relationship.
Saw light. Much better. Happier now.
2. When was the last time you shaved?
Yesterday morning. Smoother legs. Stubble already?
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Headed out. Working girl. Falling asleep. Commuter train.
4. Were you any good at math?
Notoriously bad. Not stupid! Just unskilled. (Hated algebra. Failed trigonometry. Geometry bit. Loved Calculus.)
5. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Watching movie. Knitting hat.
6. Your prom night?
Such drama.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Allegedly royalty.
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Of course! Grad school. Worth it.
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
MySpace evil. Stay away!
10. Last thing received in the mail?
Store coupon. Clothing catalog. New book. Annual report.
11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Cool water. Dark coffee. Diet Coke.
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Hate phone. Never talk. Emergencies only. Prefer email.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
High school. Billy Joel. Yankee Stadium. Best concert.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Never ever. Dislike beach. Grainy sand. Unpredictable ocean.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Wisdom teeth. Big needle. Gag reflex. Aching gums.
16. What is out your back door?
Outdoor deck. Neighbor's deck. Blue sky.
17. Any plans for Friday night?
Competing engagements. Totally undecided. Perhaps neither. Me time.
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Hardly ever. Too wilty.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Totally gross. Never yet. Thank goodness.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yes indeed! So pleasurable. Good company.
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Of course. Who doesn't? (Ha, ha! Mabel answer!)
22. Some things you are excited about?
My Mondays. B's company. Successful events. Girls' time.
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Hate Jello. Gags me.
24. Describe your keychain(s).
Conference souvenir. Mostly functional.
25. Where do you keep your change?
Various jars. Must redeem. Need bills.
There are people out there who would just LOVE it if I could say ANYthing in a mere two words. Well, this one's for you, and you can thank Unlimited Mood for constraining me to two-word answers to the following questions.
1. Explain what ended your last relationship.
Saw light. Much better. Happier now.
2. When was the last time you shaved?
Yesterday morning. Smoother legs. Stubble already?
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Headed out. Working girl. Falling asleep. Commuter train.
4. Were you any good at math?
Notoriously bad. Not stupid! Just unskilled. (Hated algebra. Failed trigonometry. Geometry bit. Loved Calculus.)
5. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Watching movie. Knitting hat.
6. Your prom night?
Such drama.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Allegedly royalty.
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Of course! Grad school. Worth it.
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
MySpace evil. Stay away!
10. Last thing received in the mail?
Store coupon. Clothing catalog. New book. Annual report.
11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Cool water. Dark coffee. Diet Coke.
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Hate phone. Never talk. Emergencies only. Prefer email.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
High school. Billy Joel. Yankee Stadium. Best concert.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Never ever. Dislike beach. Grainy sand. Unpredictable ocean.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Wisdom teeth. Big needle. Gag reflex. Aching gums.
16. What is out your back door?
Outdoor deck. Neighbor's deck. Blue sky.
17. Any plans for Friday night?
Competing engagements. Totally undecided. Perhaps neither. Me time.
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Hardly ever. Too wilty.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Totally gross. Never yet. Thank goodness.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yes indeed! So pleasurable. Good company.
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Of course. Who doesn't? (Ha, ha! Mabel answer!)
22. Some things you are excited about?
My Mondays. B's company. Successful events. Girls' time.
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Hate Jello. Gags me.
24. Describe your keychain(s).
Conference souvenir. Mostly functional.
25. Where do you keep your change?
Various jars. Must redeem. Need bills.
Thursday, November 9
LEFT BEHIND . . .
This afternoon, I went to the bathroom, and when I got back to my cubicle, the ENTIRE FLOOR had vanished. Gone, in the mere 36 seconds that it takes for me to walk to the ladies' room, pee, and return. It's like The Rapture happened, and I got left behind.
Note: apparently, they all left for some massive company-wide meeting off-site. Understandable, then. But still: the stealth and mass-exodus nature of the exit, completed in a mere 36 seconds, is miraculous and super-natural to me.
This afternoon, I went to the bathroom, and when I got back to my cubicle, the ENTIRE FLOOR had vanished. Gone, in the mere 36 seconds that it takes for me to walk to the ladies' room, pee, and return. It's like The Rapture happened, and I got left behind.
Note: apparently, they all left for some massive company-wide meeting off-site. Understandable, then. But still: the stealth and mass-exodus nature of the exit, completed in a mere 36 seconds, is miraculous and super-natural to me.
Tuesday, November 7
THANK GOD IT'S OVER . . .
Election 2006 is finally over, thank the good and merciful Lord. Happy (or unhappy, depending on where you stand) results notwithstanding, has it not just been a miserable year for all of us? I mean, could the advertisements and campaign tactics be ANY worse, ANY lower, ANY meaner, ANY more worthless when it came to actually advertising the candidate?! B and I were shaking our heads over this last night, and we came to the unhappy conclusion that there is to be no "regression" -- no return to clean campaigning, no return to a forum where the issues take precedence, no return to a place lacking mudslinging, no return to an honest fight.
And the worst part of it all? So many campaigns used the President of the United States against their opponents. There was so much hatred, so great a disdain, so little respect for the leader of the free world, the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, that to have his name attached to a candidate was to be considered a CURSE. I disagree with Shrub on so many counts, and I am counting down the days to January 29, 2009. But at the end of the day, the man is still my Commander in Chief. He's still the leader of my country. He's still my President. I would still preserve some shred of dignity for him. It's a sad, sad day in a sad, sad nation where no one else feels that way and rather use his name as a talisman against winning.
Deep heavy sigh.
On another note, it's sort of funny watching people's concession and victory speeches. There's always the obligatory glorious nod to the family members and loyal spouse. If the victor is speaking, we also have the obligatory victor-walks-over-to-the-spouse-to-kiss-said-spouse. It's so ... cheesy. And in the case of Eliot Spitzer, it's even worse because he then follows all that up with saying, "Boo-ya!"
Why? Why would you do that?
Well, my conclusory statements on a political season I failed to follow with any sort of deep or committed interest: the next two years should be interesting. Forward march to Clinton/Obama 2008.
Election 2006 is finally over, thank the good and merciful Lord. Happy (or unhappy, depending on where you stand) results notwithstanding, has it not just been a miserable year for all of us? I mean, could the advertisements and campaign tactics be ANY worse, ANY lower, ANY meaner, ANY more worthless when it came to actually advertising the candidate?! B and I were shaking our heads over this last night, and we came to the unhappy conclusion that there is to be no "regression" -- no return to clean campaigning, no return to a forum where the issues take precedence, no return to a place lacking mudslinging, no return to an honest fight.
And the worst part of it all? So many campaigns used the President of the United States against their opponents. There was so much hatred, so great a disdain, so little respect for the leader of the free world, the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, that to have his name attached to a candidate was to be considered a CURSE. I disagree with Shrub on so many counts, and I am counting down the days to January 29, 2009. But at the end of the day, the man is still my Commander in Chief. He's still the leader of my country. He's still my President. I would still preserve some shred of dignity for him. It's a sad, sad day in a sad, sad nation where no one else feels that way and rather use his name as a talisman against winning.
Deep heavy sigh.
On another note, it's sort of funny watching people's concession and victory speeches. There's always the obligatory glorious nod to the family members and loyal spouse. If the victor is speaking, we also have the obligatory victor-walks-over-to-the-spouse-to-kiss-said-spouse. It's so ... cheesy. And in the case of Eliot Spitzer, it's even worse because he then follows all that up with saying, "Boo-ya!"
Why? Why would you do that?
Well, my conclusory statements on a political season I failed to follow with any sort of deep or committed interest: the next two years should be interesting. Forward march to Clinton/Obama 2008.
WELCOME TO THE FAMILY . . .
Meet the newest member of the family:
Pipsqueak Baby Mumble Shuffle Cha.
We call him Pip.
He's cute.
Apple is brilliant.
***
NIP IT IN THE BUTT . . .
So I was sitting at Starbucks over the weekend and had a Mabel moment: a 5-year-old boy was playing with his younger brother and some Starbucks stickers. At one point, the little brother became a bit too rowdy with the stickers, so the 5-year-old declared, "He's crazy as an ox!"
The mother's head flipped up: "WHAT?"
"Crazy as an ox. He's crazy as an ox!"
It was all I could do to keep my soy chai latte from leaping out of my mouth onto the table in front of me.
Post-script: When the mother tried to pack up her kids to leave, the 5-year-old declared in protest, "I've only been here a muffin and a half!"
Brilliance is everywhere.
Meet the newest member of the family:
Pipsqueak Baby Mumble Shuffle Cha.
We call him Pip.
He's cute.
Apple is brilliant.
***
NIP IT IN THE BUTT . . .
So I was sitting at Starbucks over the weekend and had a Mabel moment: a 5-year-old boy was playing with his younger brother and some Starbucks stickers. At one point, the little brother became a bit too rowdy with the stickers, so the 5-year-old declared, "He's crazy as an ox!"
The mother's head flipped up: "WHAT?"
"Crazy as an ox. He's crazy as an ox!"
It was all I could do to keep my soy chai latte from leaping out of my mouth onto the table in front of me.
Post-script: When the mother tried to pack up her kids to leave, the 5-year-old declared in protest, "I've only been here a muffin and a half!"
Brilliance is everywhere.
Thursday, November 2
NO ORIGINAL THOUGHT . . .
I love how I complain about people who have no capacity for original thought ... and now find myself in the same exact position. I console myself by telling myself that if I had a little more sleep, or if I had not had that draining conversation the other night, or if I didn't have so much on my plate, I would be physically able to come up with scintillating, intelligent, exciting and unique things to share with whoever wants to share them with me. Who knows, though, if that would actually be the case? For now, I'm settling for quiet evenings of music and mini-camp, repeat episodes of "Without a Trace," and this:
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Cablevision. Cablevision sucks. It just does. And there's no way that what they're giving me is worth what I'm paying them.
2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
I haven't been there yet, but I'm due for a nice garlicky, dimly-lit Italian dinner in a few days. I'll let you know if it lives up to all of the expectations ... but really, it's the company one keeps, isn't it?
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Sophomore year of college. NEVER. AGAIN.
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Never. Please, have some dignity.
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Gravely. All my classmates called her Mrs. Gravy and I felt so bad for her because she was so, so sweet.
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
That which I will be doing at 10:30p tonight.
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
The first Korean-American astronaut to take to space ... a pediatrician (thank you, Cheech, for carrying my torch so faithfully) ... a lawyer. Hey, one for three ain't bad.
8. How many colleges did you attend?
One, and sometimes I wish I could do it all over again so I could really get my money's worth.
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
It's grey out today and the world needed a splash of colour.
10. GAS PRICES! First thought?
I'm glad they're dropping, but I'm still going to Jersey for fuel.
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you...
Manhattan, and ... hee. I'm not telling.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
"I wish I was sick so I could call in sick and sleep some more ... oh wait, but then I'd be sick."
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Either "When is this response going to come?" or "I. Love. My. Bed."
14. Favorite style of underwear?
Nobody needs to know what my favorite style of underwear is, lest you think that is also the underwear I wear, and maybe it is, but you still don't need to know.
15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite/same sex?
Boxer briefs.
16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Folding dried laundry.
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
No.
18. Get up early or sleep in?
Get up early -- there's too much to miss!
19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
I have vague memories of those who used to be my favorites from "M.A.S.K." and "G.I. Joe." And of course, what girl did not want to be Jem (Jem is excitement, ooooh Jem, Jem is adventure!)?!
20. Favorite NON-sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Laugh.
21. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
San Francisco.
22. Number of texts in a day?
Zero. I watch people text message, and they all have their mouths hanging open, and their thumbs are cramping up, and you just KNOW that their grammar and punctuation have gone to the dogs. Horrible.
23. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Neither.
24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Does a mozzarella, tomato and basil combination count?
25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
I'm a BJ's girl myself, but I pick pasta, pasta sauce, and paper goods. Booooooring.
26. Beach or lake?
Lake. I'm less likely to get swept out somewhere.
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
No. Don't be ridiculous.
28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
I think MySpace is evil and refuse to have anything to do with it.
29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide ice cream; buying books on Amazon; repeat episodes of "Top Chef."
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I have a very low embarrassment threshold so I'm not that ashamed of any of my movie-viewing choices. But people seem to laugh a lot when I say that "The Sound of Music" is my favorite movie of all time.
31. What's your drink?
Soy chai latte (thanks, TinyCricket) and room-temperature water.
32. Cowboys or Indians?
For what?
33. Cops or Robbers?
I don't understand this question.
34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
In movies, sometimes. In real life, never. But then again, so little is easily penned into black-and-white.
35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
Name me a Korean-American Hollywood star and there might be your answer. Oh wait, there are none. Riiiight. (Yes, that is an indictment of the Hollywood community, so read as much rage into that as you wish.) However, I have been likened to: Phoebe, from "Friends;" Monica, from "Friends;" Elaine, from "Seinfeld;" and Sarah Jessica Parker. You figure it out because I sure as heck can't.
36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of "Lost" would you be?
Would I BE? Why? So that I too can be stuck on a weird desert island that isn't actually deserted and is frighteningly bizarre and spooky and dangerous? Uh, no. But I would like to be WITH Sawyer. Cheeky grin.
37. What do you want when you are sick?
Orange juice, which I despise when I am healthy. And my mommy.
38. Who from high school would you like to run into?
My Spanish teacher, Sr. McKenney.
39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
AM: 880 News. FM: 93.9 NPR.
40. Norm or Cliff?
Didn't watch enough episodes to know the difference.
41. "The Cosby Show" or "The Simpsons?"
Definitely "The Cosby Show." For a long time as a child, I felt that my family was the Korean version of the show.
42. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
2000-2001.
43. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
I don't know her at all, but she seems nice.
44. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
Nobody. I just don't think I have it in me. Plus, it's just not right.
45. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Former President Bill Clinton.
46. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
You know, I never got into the whole fantasize-about-a-famous-person-and-wish-to-bed-them thing. I mean, I think that certain male actors are very handsome and I wouldn't mind just spending some time gazing upon them and perhaps smelling their clean fresh man scent. But I just don't get all hot & bothered by famous people. Sometimes, a facial expression or a profile shot or the shirt one is wearing will remind me of someone I know in real life, and I'll wish that real person were next to me so I could snuggle up next to him and smell him, but I have never and don't expect to ever long to be with the famous counterpart. Anyway, that's the long preface to a short answer: no one.
47. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No, neither to extinguish a fire nor to knock an intruder over the head.
48. Last book you read for real?
"Honestly," by Sheila Walsh.
***
RANDOMIZATIONS FROM THE BATHROOM . . .
The bathroom at the office gives out FREE tampons and FREE sanitary napkins! FREE! I just think that's really nice.
***
CHUPACABRA . . .
Apparently, the firm is having some sort of event tonight where the employees will be split up into teams to engage in some sort of friendly competitions. So all afternoon, people up and down the hall have been coming up with team names and engaging in some really funny trash-talking. One team is going to be "The Vaders" (as in Darth Vader); another, evidently, is going to be "Chupacabra" (and just listening to people butcher the word is fun enough).
But hands down, the name that made me laugh out loud in my little cubicle here was this: "e. coli."
"Why?," the name-giver was asked. "Because it's the virus that makes you bleed from the inside out and eventually kills you," she said.
Awesome.
I love how I complain about people who have no capacity for original thought ... and now find myself in the same exact position. I console myself by telling myself that if I had a little more sleep, or if I had not had that draining conversation the other night, or if I didn't have so much on my plate, I would be physically able to come up with scintillating, intelligent, exciting and unique things to share with whoever wants to share them with me. Who knows, though, if that would actually be the case? For now, I'm settling for quiet evenings of music and mini-camp, repeat episodes of "Without a Trace," and this:
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Cablevision. Cablevision sucks. It just does. And there's no way that what they're giving me is worth what I'm paying them.
2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
I haven't been there yet, but I'm due for a nice garlicky, dimly-lit Italian dinner in a few days. I'll let you know if it lives up to all of the expectations ... but really, it's the company one keeps, isn't it?
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Sophomore year of college. NEVER. AGAIN.
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Never. Please, have some dignity.
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Gravely. All my classmates called her Mrs. Gravy and I felt so bad for her because she was so, so sweet.
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
That which I will be doing at 10:30p tonight.
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
The first Korean-American astronaut to take to space ... a pediatrician (thank you, Cheech, for carrying my torch so faithfully) ... a lawyer. Hey, one for three ain't bad.
8. How many colleges did you attend?
One, and sometimes I wish I could do it all over again so I could really get my money's worth.
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
It's grey out today and the world needed a splash of colour.
10. GAS PRICES! First thought?
I'm glad they're dropping, but I'm still going to Jersey for fuel.
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you...
Manhattan, and ... hee. I'm not telling.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
"I wish I was sick so I could call in sick and sleep some more ... oh wait, but then I'd be sick."
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Either "When is this response going to come?" or "I. Love. My. Bed."
14. Favorite style of underwear?
Nobody needs to know what my favorite style of underwear is, lest you think that is also the underwear I wear, and maybe it is, but you still don't need to know.
15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite/same sex?
Boxer briefs.
16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Folding dried laundry.
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
No.
18. Get up early or sleep in?
Get up early -- there's too much to miss!
19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
I have vague memories of those who used to be my favorites from "M.A.S.K." and "G.I. Joe." And of course, what girl did not want to be Jem (Jem is excitement, ooooh Jem, Jem is adventure!)?!
20. Favorite NON-sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Laugh.
21. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
San Francisco.
22. Number of texts in a day?
Zero. I watch people text message, and they all have their mouths hanging open, and their thumbs are cramping up, and you just KNOW that their grammar and punctuation have gone to the dogs. Horrible.
23. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Neither.
24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Does a mozzarella, tomato and basil combination count?
25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
I'm a BJ's girl myself, but I pick pasta, pasta sauce, and paper goods. Booooooring.
26. Beach or lake?
Lake. I'm less likely to get swept out somewhere.
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
No. Don't be ridiculous.
28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
I think MySpace is evil and refuse to have anything to do with it.
29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide ice cream; buying books on Amazon; repeat episodes of "Top Chef."
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I have a very low embarrassment threshold so I'm not that ashamed of any of my movie-viewing choices. But people seem to laugh a lot when I say that "The Sound of Music" is my favorite movie of all time.
31. What's your drink?
Soy chai latte (thanks, TinyCricket) and room-temperature water.
32. Cowboys or Indians?
For what?
33. Cops or Robbers?
I don't understand this question.
34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
In movies, sometimes. In real life, never. But then again, so little is easily penned into black-and-white.
35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
Name me a Korean-American Hollywood star and there might be your answer. Oh wait, there are none. Riiiight. (Yes, that is an indictment of the Hollywood community, so read as much rage into that as you wish.) However, I have been likened to: Phoebe, from "Friends;" Monica, from "Friends;" Elaine, from "Seinfeld;" and Sarah Jessica Parker. You figure it out because I sure as heck can't.
36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of "Lost" would you be?
Would I BE? Why? So that I too can be stuck on a weird desert island that isn't actually deserted and is frighteningly bizarre and spooky and dangerous? Uh, no. But I would like to be WITH Sawyer. Cheeky grin.
37. What do you want when you are sick?
Orange juice, which I despise when I am healthy. And my mommy.
38. Who from high school would you like to run into?
My Spanish teacher, Sr. McKenney.
39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
AM: 880 News. FM: 93.9 NPR.
40. Norm or Cliff?
Didn't watch enough episodes to know the difference.
41. "The Cosby Show" or "The Simpsons?"
Definitely "The Cosby Show." For a long time as a child, I felt that my family was the Korean version of the show.
42. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
2000-2001.
43. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
I don't know her at all, but she seems nice.
44. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
Nobody. I just don't think I have it in me. Plus, it's just not right.
45. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Former President Bill Clinton.
46. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
You know, I never got into the whole fantasize-about-a-famous-person-and-wish-to-bed-them thing. I mean, I think that certain male actors are very handsome and I wouldn't mind just spending some time gazing upon them and perhaps smelling their clean fresh man scent. But I just don't get all hot & bothered by famous people. Sometimes, a facial expression or a profile shot or the shirt one is wearing will remind me of someone I know in real life, and I'll wish that real person were next to me so I could snuggle up next to him and smell him, but I have never and don't expect to ever long to be with the famous counterpart. Anyway, that's the long preface to a short answer: no one.
47. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No, neither to extinguish a fire nor to knock an intruder over the head.
48. Last book you read for real?
"Honestly," by Sheila Walsh.
***
RANDOMIZATIONS FROM THE BATHROOM . . .
The bathroom at the office gives out FREE tampons and FREE sanitary napkins! FREE! I just think that's really nice.
***
CHUPACABRA . . .
Apparently, the firm is having some sort of event tonight where the employees will be split up into teams to engage in some sort of friendly competitions. So all afternoon, people up and down the hall have been coming up with team names and engaging in some really funny trash-talking. One team is going to be "The Vaders" (as in Darth Vader); another, evidently, is going to be "Chupacabra" (and just listening to people butcher the word is fun enough).
But hands down, the name that made me laugh out loud in my little cubicle here was this: "e. coli."
"Why?," the name-giver was asked. "Because it's the virus that makes you bleed from the inside out and eventually kills you," she said.
Awesome.
Tuesday, October 31
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME . . .
It's always gobs of fun when, at 12:01a, someone grabs me by the shoulders, looks me straight in the eye with all the care and feeling he can muster, and says, "Please, can I be the first one to say this year: happy birthday!"
(And then I sort of have to giggle to myself because somebody else already said it a couple of days ago just in case she missed it, but that's alright because it's just different, you know what I mean?)
So, hooray for me! Thanks, Omma and Appa for bringing me here, and thanks, God, for giving me life (and for letting today be a beautiful day, because the rainy ones are nice too, but sometimes a little sun just hits the spot), and thanks, everyone who loves me and cares for me, for making every day seem like a special day.
It's always gobs of fun when, at 12:01a, someone grabs me by the shoulders, looks me straight in the eye with all the care and feeling he can muster, and says, "Please, can I be the first one to say this year: happy birthday!"
(And then I sort of have to giggle to myself because somebody else already said it a couple of days ago just in case she missed it, but that's alright because it's just different, you know what I mean?)
So, hooray for me! Thanks, Omma and Appa for bringing me here, and thanks, God, for giving me life (and for letting today be a beautiful day, because the rainy ones are nice too, but sometimes a little sun just hits the spot), and thanks, everyone who loves me and cares for me, for making every day seem like a special day.
Sunday, October 22
BLIZZARD . . .
Oh my gosh, I am so, so, so tired right now. And this is just the beginning. Just when I think I can put my feet up, I find myself facing a whirlwind season all over again. Do they still make Calgon? And where might it take me?
***
GRUMPOLA . . .
Things that frustrated me today:
1. People who don't know what's missing in their lives, and therefore don't make any effort to fill the void with good and right things.
2. People who think they know everything about something, and assume that others ascribe to the same philosophy ... without asking to see if they're just taking up space.
3. The slow progression of things, which seems to either (a) just make me crazy, and/or (b) just lay the groundwork for future confusion and muck.
4. Folks who know exactly what's wrong with themselves, but make no discernible effort to change.
5. Food boredom. My refrigerator is stocked but I can't seem to find a single thing to eat. I feel horrible that in the face of all the people starving and malnutritioned in this world, I have the wicked gall to be bored with the contents of my fridge.
6. The fact that some wonderful and significant and true things were spoken ... and the people I wish would hear it weren't around to hear it.
7. My constant nasal congestion -- it forces me to become the dreaded Mouth Breather.
8. Those who are alleged to have a good heart and right intentions, but just end up expressing themselves harshly, meanly, critically, judgmentally, and selfishly.
***
NOT GRUMPOLA . . .
But of course, that was only half the day. There are also things that made me joyful today:
1. Sitting with a brother.
2. Receiving gobs of God's goodness from The Boy Band.
3. Productivity.
4. Hearing hearty laughter after an embarrassing moment. It's good to be around people who can healthily laugh at themselves. Send me a postcard; tell me about your trip, won't you?
5. A wide awake Pork Bun chugging formula in my arms, then nuzzling himself to sleep on my shoulder.
6. My warm worm.
7. Inside jokes brought into the open. Makes the secret less burdensome.
8. The prospect of a good night's rest, covered by grace and a heavy Korean faux-mink blanket.
Oh my gosh, I am so, so, so tired right now. And this is just the beginning. Just when I think I can put my feet up, I find myself facing a whirlwind season all over again. Do they still make Calgon? And where might it take me?
***
GRUMPOLA . . .
Things that frustrated me today:
1. People who don't know what's missing in their lives, and therefore don't make any effort to fill the void with good and right things.
2. People who think they know everything about something, and assume that others ascribe to the same philosophy ... without asking to see if they're just taking up space.
3. The slow progression of things, which seems to either (a) just make me crazy, and/or (b) just lay the groundwork for future confusion and muck.
4. Folks who know exactly what's wrong with themselves, but make no discernible effort to change.
5. Food boredom. My refrigerator is stocked but I can't seem to find a single thing to eat. I feel horrible that in the face of all the people starving and malnutritioned in this world, I have the wicked gall to be bored with the contents of my fridge.
6. The fact that some wonderful and significant and true things were spoken ... and the people I wish would hear it weren't around to hear it.
7. My constant nasal congestion -- it forces me to become the dreaded Mouth Breather.
8. Those who are alleged to have a good heart and right intentions, but just end up expressing themselves harshly, meanly, critically, judgmentally, and selfishly.
***
NOT GRUMPOLA . . .
But of course, that was only half the day. There are also things that made me joyful today:
1. Sitting with a brother.
2. Receiving gobs of God's goodness from The Boy Band.
3. Productivity.
4. Hearing hearty laughter after an embarrassing moment. It's good to be around people who can healthily laugh at themselves. Send me a postcard; tell me about your trip, won't you?
5. A wide awake Pork Bun chugging formula in my arms, then nuzzling himself to sleep on my shoulder.
6. My warm worm.
7. Inside jokes brought into the open. Makes the secret less burdensome.
8. The prospect of a good night's rest, covered by grace and a heavy Korean faux-mink blanket.
Friday, October 20
HEARD OVER THE CUBICLE WALL . . .
1. A woman whose voice sounds exactly like Laura from the most recent season of "Project Runway." Every time she talks, I wig out.
2. "... I live in NEW YORK, you dumbass ..."
3. "... Jack Bauer ..."
4. "... genital warts ..."
5. "... no, you hang up. No, YOU. No, I love YOU. No, YOU hang up ..."
6. "... what should I get me for my birthday? ..."
***
IT'S NOT JUST ME . . .
I was at Starbucks today picking up my latest addiction, the Soy Chai Latte. The lady in front of me clarified her order to the new cashier who had not heard her correctly the first time around. He had to recalculate, using his brain and not the cash register. And so while the lady in front of me stood waiting with her palm held out for the additional change due to her, the new cashier stood facing her, not saying a word. His mouth hung open. He stared without blinking at the cash register. His arms hung slack at his sides. Seconds, nay minutes? ticked by.
And isn't it terrible that all I could think was, "Look, he can't do math either."
***
SLUMBER PARTY . . .
I'm sleeping over in Canada tonight, hanging with the G-Units so Dr.G can give me a flu shot in the morning. Is that not the most efficient way to obtain a flu shot? To drive 40 minutes north of one's home, spend the night at a friend's home, sleep in in the morning, then drive even more north to Dr.G's office? Eh, whatever. It's fun here in Canada. (And of course I'm going to hear it from Mrs.G that I brought my laptop and am lying in her guest bedroom using her free wireless access. Nerd.)
1. A woman whose voice sounds exactly like Laura from the most recent season of "Project Runway." Every time she talks, I wig out.
2. "... I live in NEW YORK, you dumbass ..."
3. "... Jack Bauer ..."
4. "... genital warts ..."
5. "... no, you hang up. No, YOU. No, I love YOU. No, YOU hang up ..."
6. "... what should I get me for my birthday? ..."
***
IT'S NOT JUST ME . . .
I was at Starbucks today picking up my latest addiction, the Soy Chai Latte. The lady in front of me clarified her order to the new cashier who had not heard her correctly the first time around. He had to recalculate, using his brain and not the cash register. And so while the lady in front of me stood waiting with her palm held out for the additional change due to her, the new cashier stood facing her, not saying a word. His mouth hung open. He stared without blinking at the cash register. His arms hung slack at his sides. Seconds, nay minutes? ticked by.
And isn't it terrible that all I could think was, "Look, he can't do math either."
***
SLUMBER PARTY . . .
I'm sleeping over in Canada tonight, hanging with the G-Units so Dr.G can give me a flu shot in the morning. Is that not the most efficient way to obtain a flu shot? To drive 40 minutes north of one's home, spend the night at a friend's home, sleep in in the morning, then drive even more north to Dr.G's office? Eh, whatever. It's fun here in Canada. (And of course I'm going to hear it from Mrs.G that I brought my laptop and am lying in her guest bedroom using her free wireless access. Nerd.)
Thursday, October 19
SILLY . . .
Two quick things that crack me up:
1. I'm now the girl who wears a comfortable pair of shoes TO work, then changes into nice dress shoes AT work. Granted, I have not yet become the white-tube-sock-and-white-high-tops-wearing lady, but when I peel off my socks and boots to slip into some pointy high-heel pumps, I can't help but feel a little bit frumpy.
2. I have limited exposure to Sascha Baron Cohen as Ali G, but I thoroughly enjoyed him as King Julian in "Madagascar." Now, he's apparently bringing another one of his characters to life on the big screen. The title of this soon-to-be masterpiece? "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan." That is so awesome.
***
NOT SILLY . . .
Barack Obama is everywhere in the news lately, and I for one don't mind that much. I'm not usually one for hero-worship of people I don't actually know, and politicians are usually last on my list (unfortunately, because I think there was a time and a place in this country's history when politicians WERE worthy of some degree of worship from the populace ... you know, back when public servants actually served the people ... although that statement in and of itself sounds so naive too ...). But Obama seems like the real deal. (Even as I say that, I feel a twinge in my stomach, as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the skeletons in his closet to come tumbling out, and I hate that I have become that cynical.) He intrigues me, so I picked up the latest issue of Time Magazine, which has his head big and front and center on the cover. The magazine excerpts his latest book, The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream, and I excerpt the excerpt here. I apologize for the length of my excerpting ... some of it was too good to put aside ... another book to add to my growing pile of To Read's ...
Two quick things that crack me up:
1. I'm now the girl who wears a comfortable pair of shoes TO work, then changes into nice dress shoes AT work. Granted, I have not yet become the white-tube-sock-and-white-high-tops-wearing lady, but when I peel off my socks and boots to slip into some pointy high-heel pumps, I can't help but feel a little bit frumpy.
2. I have limited exposure to Sascha Baron Cohen as Ali G, but I thoroughly enjoyed him as King Julian in "Madagascar." Now, he's apparently bringing another one of his characters to life on the big screen. The title of this soon-to-be masterpiece? "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan." That is so awesome.
***
NOT SILLY . . .
Barack Obama is everywhere in the news lately, and I for one don't mind that much. I'm not usually one for hero-worship of people I don't actually know, and politicians are usually last on my list (unfortunately, because I think there was a time and a place in this country's history when politicians WERE worthy of some degree of worship from the populace ... you know, back when public servants actually served the people ... although that statement in and of itself sounds so naive too ...). But Obama seems like the real deal. (Even as I say that, I feel a twinge in my stomach, as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the skeletons in his closet to come tumbling out, and I hate that I have become that cynical.) He intrigues me, so I picked up the latest issue of Time Magazine, which has his head big and front and center on the cover. The magazine excerpts his latest book, The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream, and I excerpt the excerpt here. I apologize for the length of my excerpting ... some of it was too good to put aside ... another book to add to my growing pile of To Read's ...
- ... also points to a hunger for the product they are selling, a hunger that goes beyond any particular issue or cause. Each day, it seems, thousands of Americans are going about their daily rounds--dropping off the kids at school, driving to the office, flying to a business meeting, shopping at the mall, trying to stay on their diets--and coming to the realization that something is missing. They are deciding that their work, their possessions, their diversions, their sheer busyness are not enough. They want a sense of purpose, a narrative arc to their lives, something that will relieve a chronic loneliness or lift them above the exhausting, relentless toll of daily life. They need an assurance that somebody out there cares about them, is listening to them--that they are not just destined to travel down a long highway toward nothingness.
Out of necessity, the black church had to minister to the whole person. Out of necessity, the black church rarely had the luxury of separating individual salvation from collective salvation. It had to serve as the center of the community's political, economic, and social as well as spiritual life; it understood in an intimate way the biblical call to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and challenge powers and principalities. In the history of these struggles, I was able to see faith as more than just a comfort to the weary or a hedge against death; rather, it was an active, palpable agent in the world.
And perhaps it was out of this intimate knowledge of hardship, the grounding of faith in struggle, that the historically black church offered me a second insight: that faith doesn't mean that you don't have doubts, or that you relinquish your hold on this world. Long before it became fashionable among television evangelists, the typical black sermon freely acknowledged that all Christians (including the pastors) could expect to still experience the same greed, resentment, lust, and anger that everyone else experienced. The gospel songs, the happy feet, and the tears and shouts all spoke of a release, an acknowledgment, and finally a channeling of those emotions. In the black community, the lines between sinner and saved were more fluid; the sins of those who came to church were not so different from the sins of those who didn't, and so were as likely to be talked about with humor as with condemnation. You needed to come to church precisely because you were of this world, not apart from it; rich, poor, sinner, saved, you needed to embrace Christ precisely because you had sins to wash away--because you were human and needed an ally in your difficult journey, to make the peaks and valleys smooth and render all those crooked paths straight. It was because of these newfound understandings--that religious commitment did not require me to suspend critical thinking, disengage from the battle for economic and social justice, or otherwise retreat from the world that I knew and loved--that I was finally able to walk down the aisle of Trinity United Church of Christ one day and be baptized.
When we abandon the field of religious discourse--when we ignore the debate about what it means to be a good Christian or Muslim or Jew; when we discuss religion only in the negative sense of where or how it should not be practiced, rather than in the positive sense of what it tells us about our obligations toward one another; when we shy away from religious venues and religious broadcasts because we assume that we will be unwelcome--others will fill the vacuum. And those who do are likely to be those with the most insular views of faith, or who cynically use religion to justify partisan ends.
Of course organized religion doesn't have a monopoly on virtue, and one not need be religious to make moral claims or appeal to a common good. But we should not avoid making such claims or appeals--or abandon any reference to our rich religious traditions--in order to avoid giving offense. Our failure as progressives to tap into the moral underpinnings of the nation is not just rhetorical, though. Our fear of getting "preachy" may also lead us to discount the role that values and culture play in addressing some of our most urgent social problems. After all, the problems of poverty and racism, the uninsured and the unemployed, are not simply technical problems in search of the perfect 10-point plan. They are also rooted in societal indifference and individual callousness--the desire among those at the top of the social ladder to maintain their wealth and status whatever the cost, as well as the despair and self-destructiveness among those at the bottom.
Friday, October 13
NEWBIE . . .
Welcome, Pork Bun! 19" long, 6lbs., 4oz. at birth. NOT wrinkly and shriveled, Mabel says. We'll see ... and of course, I consider it the greatest joke on all of us that the one of us who has the lowest tolerance for pain is the one who births without an epidural. Very funny, God, veeeeery funny.
***
PEACE THAT LASTS . . .
The 2006 Nobel Prize for Peace was awarded to Muhammad Yunus and the bank he founded, Grameen Bank of Bangladesh. This man and his bank loaned small, even tiny, amounts of money to people -- mostly women -- so that they could start or sustain a small business. His bank funded people that larger banks would deem uncreditworthy, poor risks ... and proved that MICROCREDIT WORKS. And, as the Nobel Committee rightly noted, "attacking poverty is essential to peace, and that private enterprise is essential to attacking poverty." The possibilities are endless, and this man's successful model is admirable and so, so hopeful.
***
HEE-HAW . . .
On a completely different note, it cracks me up that when I use the handicap stall in the women's bathroom here at work (only when I have to! I commit a lot of social blunders, but willfully taking handicap parking spots and using handicap bathroom stalls is not one of them!) ... my feet don't reach the ground. So there I sit, my feet swinging happily back and forth, back and forth. Makes me feel like a child again, and these days, that's not such a bad thing ...
***
UNDERSTANDING . . .
Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding things that other people seem to understand just fine. Or I find myself embroiled in some major misunderstanding about something that could and should have been very easily understood. And I guess it's just natural that these things happen most with the people I am closest to -- there is a sort of danger and complacency of closeness and intimacy, and when we start assuming things about each other, the poo hits the fan. Which is so ironic, because we both also relish not having to explain everything, and not having to say everything out loud. There is pleasure in knowing one can step away from the table because the other will know what you want to order to eat ... in completing each other's sentences, or merely ending phrases with, "you know, right?" and knowing that the other does indeed know ... in trusting that quiet and silence does not mean anger or trouble-brewing, but just means thoughtfulness, whether in turmoil or in peace. Unfortunately, base human nature and insecurity infiltrates now and then anyway, and this pleasure is tained. There is grace, still, in seeing what "progress" really is: quicker reconciliation, an adjustment to assumptions that are right and good, and a willingness to move on, not in denial but in utter acceptance.
***
BACKWARDS . . .
Sometimes, when I get no sleep, I function much better the next day than if I had gotten a solid six or seven hours of sleep. Huh. Maybe it's the happy hormones.
***
REPRESENT . . .
Rock on, my man.
Welcome, Pork Bun! 19" long, 6lbs., 4oz. at birth. NOT wrinkly and shriveled, Mabel says. We'll see ... and of course, I consider it the greatest joke on all of us that the one of us who has the lowest tolerance for pain is the one who births without an epidural. Very funny, God, veeeeery funny.
***
PEACE THAT LASTS . . .
The 2006 Nobel Prize for Peace was awarded to Muhammad Yunus and the bank he founded, Grameen Bank of Bangladesh. This man and his bank loaned small, even tiny, amounts of money to people -- mostly women -- so that they could start or sustain a small business. His bank funded people that larger banks would deem uncreditworthy, poor risks ... and proved that MICROCREDIT WORKS. And, as the Nobel Committee rightly noted, "attacking poverty is essential to peace, and that private enterprise is essential to attacking poverty." The possibilities are endless, and this man's successful model is admirable and so, so hopeful.
***
HEE-HAW . . .
On a completely different note, it cracks me up that when I use the handicap stall in the women's bathroom here at work (only when I have to! I commit a lot of social blunders, but willfully taking handicap parking spots and using handicap bathroom stalls is not one of them!) ... my feet don't reach the ground. So there I sit, my feet swinging happily back and forth, back and forth. Makes me feel like a child again, and these days, that's not such a bad thing ...
***
UNDERSTANDING . . .
Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding things that other people seem to understand just fine. Or I find myself embroiled in some major misunderstanding about something that could and should have been very easily understood. And I guess it's just natural that these things happen most with the people I am closest to -- there is a sort of danger and complacency of closeness and intimacy, and when we start assuming things about each other, the poo hits the fan. Which is so ironic, because we both also relish not having to explain everything, and not having to say everything out loud. There is pleasure in knowing one can step away from the table because the other will know what you want to order to eat ... in completing each other's sentences, or merely ending phrases with, "you know, right?" and knowing that the other does indeed know ... in trusting that quiet and silence does not mean anger or trouble-brewing, but just means thoughtfulness, whether in turmoil or in peace. Unfortunately, base human nature and insecurity infiltrates now and then anyway, and this pleasure is tained. There is grace, still, in seeing what "progress" really is: quicker reconciliation, an adjustment to assumptions that are right and good, and a willingness to move on, not in denial but in utter acceptance.
***
BACKWARDS . . .
Sometimes, when I get no sleep, I function much better the next day than if I had gotten a solid six or seven hours of sleep. Huh. Maybe it's the happy hormones.
***
REPRESENT . . .
Rock on, my man.
Thursday, October 12
IT'S A PLANE . . .
Cory Lidle, a Yankees pitcher, flew his private plane into an Upper East Side apartment building the other day, killing himself and his flight instructor (it's unclear who was actually flying the plane; I use "flew" loosely). So sad and scary. Was there a New Yorker yesterday whose hands did not shake with at least a small tremor, for at least a short while? Sad and scary, sad and scary, sad and scary. If this is our life, the terrorists are winners.
***
JUST A THEORY . . .
I have no basis upon which to say this, but I'm going to say it anyway: e.coli and botulism in our salad greens and vegetable juices = terrorist infiltration?
Sure, nuclear missiles and blowing up buildings are grand and horrific gestures ... but poisoning our food is certainly more insidious. Americans, we like to eat. And when our food is messed with, we freak out. And if there are people out there who relish watching Americans freak out, this would be the route to go. Sad and scary, sad and scary.
Still, I sure do miss spinach. I must have eaten spinach five out of seven days, in various forms, prior to the e.coli alerts. No other dark leafy green compares (and everything else makes my pee smell strange).
***
FRIDAY THE 13TH . . .
Mabel is about to deliver her son ... potentially named Jason ... probably on Friday the 13th, if the Pitocin works as planned. Not sad, but still scary!
My knitting schedule has been suddenly bumped up by about nine days. I'll be awash in wool and angora tonight.
Keeping my heart's fingers crossed and my palms together in prayer ...
Cory Lidle, a Yankees pitcher, flew his private plane into an Upper East Side apartment building the other day, killing himself and his flight instructor (it's unclear who was actually flying the plane; I use "flew" loosely). So sad and scary. Was there a New Yorker yesterday whose hands did not shake with at least a small tremor, for at least a short while? Sad and scary, sad and scary, sad and scary. If this is our life, the terrorists are winners.
***
JUST A THEORY . . .
I have no basis upon which to say this, but I'm going to say it anyway: e.coli and botulism in our salad greens and vegetable juices = terrorist infiltration?
Sure, nuclear missiles and blowing up buildings are grand and horrific gestures ... but poisoning our food is certainly more insidious. Americans, we like to eat. And when our food is messed with, we freak out. And if there are people out there who relish watching Americans freak out, this would be the route to go. Sad and scary, sad and scary.
Still, I sure do miss spinach. I must have eaten spinach five out of seven days, in various forms, prior to the e.coli alerts. No other dark leafy green compares (and everything else makes my pee smell strange).
***
FRIDAY THE 13TH . . .
Mabel is about to deliver her son ... potentially named Jason ... probably on Friday the 13th, if the Pitocin works as planned. Not sad, but still scary!
My knitting schedule has been suddenly bumped up by about nine days. I'll be awash in wool and angora tonight.
Keeping my heart's fingers crossed and my palms together in prayer ...
Friday, October 6
BRRRR . . .
It's cold. I turned on the heat in the car for the first time this autumn season today. It was delicious.
***
AUTUMN . . .
We spent over an hour researching the etymology of the word "autumn." Didn't find out much, except that it comes from the Latin "autmnus." That's it. Just "autumnus." Etymology blows my mind -- it is bizarre to think of language and words and where it all came from ... and the fact that "autumn" seems not to mean anything.
***
BOOKISH . . .
In the Korean tradition, on a baby's first birthday, the family throws THE. MOST. ENORMOUS. FEAST. Bigger even than a traditional Korean wedding ceremony, no joke! And at the end of the party, right before the Korean dduk (rice cake) is cut and passed around, the parents of the baby set out on a low table a whole bunch of things: a bowl of rice, a strand of yarn, a pencil, a book, some money. Each item has a fortune-telling type significance: prosperity, long life, good grades, an intellectual life, wealth.
Me, I picked up a book, and that has dictated the course of my life in all ways. No, I am NOT an intellectual in ANY sense; I don't think an overactive imagination renders me "intellectual," although I have been called "thoughtful," but I think those people think I'm thinking logical and meaningful thoughts. But I have loved books, sometimes more than I have loved real life or loved real people ... and so this meme speaks to me so deeply. Thanks, TinyCricket.
1. Book that changed my life: The Holy Bible, obviously ... and not-so-obviously, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, by Rebecca Wells. The Holy Bible taught and continues to teach me about life and truth; Divine Secrets taught and continues to teach me about the truthful things in life, like friendship, sisterhood, family, tradition, fun, healing, and ridiculous snot-blowing laughter.
2. Book that you've read more than once: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I read it faster and faster each time I go through it because I know entire passages and conversations by heart now. But it has yet to stop speaking new things to me.
3. Book you'd want on a deserted island: The Holy Bible. Is it not the food I eat?
4. Book that made you laugh: A Girl Named Zippy, by Haven Kimmel. The anecdotes ... I actually spit out food at a few of the humorous surprises.
5. Book that made you cry: The Namesake, by Jhumpa Lahiri. I recently finished it, and was in the company of a friend who became suddenly alarmed that all of a sudden, in the middle of Starbucks, after a wonderful dinner and coffee and chat session, I was weeping hysterically. It took five minutes to convince him I was alright ... but how can one be alright after reading a book like this? Weighty, true, piercing, awful, uplifting, desperate, reminiscent, revealing. Ouch.
6. Book that you wish you had written: The Namesake. He, Indian. Me, Korean. We coud've been the same person.
7. Book you don't enjoy: I really, really, really did not like The Corrections, by Jonathan Franzen. I made myself read it and read it and read it. I finally got to the last nine pages of the monstrous monstrosity ... and then I closed the book and put it down. I just could not finish it. Not even the last nine pages. I just couldn't. I am still so annoyed that I gave in to the hype and bought the damn thing.
8. Book you are currently reading: The Memory Keeper's Daughter, by Kim Edwards. Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance, by Noam Chomsky is up next, probably tomorrow.
9. Book you've been meaning to read: The World is Flat, by Thomas Friedman. But rats, someone just borrowed it, and I didn't have the backbone to say "NO I HAVEN'T READ IT YET!!!!!" I just asked her to write my name in it, and am currently praying that it finds its way back to me somehow ...
10. Book you remember as a real page-turner: The Alienist, by Caleb Carr. I picked it up, along with a bunch of friends, in the middle of my senior year of college. I stayed up late every night until I finished it, partly because I wanted to find out what happened in the next chapter, but mostly because I was too scared to turn off the light and go to sleep. If the L.O.L.'s will recall, I believe I refused to read it with the door closed, and even slept one night with the door open, so people could hear if I was being brutally murdered in my dorm room.
11. Non-fiction books you've enjoyed: "The Tipping Point," by Malcolm Gladwell; "John Adams," by David McCullough; "Soul Survivor," by Philip Yancey; "Truman," by David McCullough; "The Holy Bible."
12. Children's books your family has loved: Well, my family enjoyed Korean folk tales, and I still have the huge glossy picture books to prove it. I can't wait for children of my own so I can read these books to them, too. But as for English-language books ... the first NICE books my parents bought me were the Little House on the Prairie books, by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I got the whole set of them in a huge box, all at once, at a book fair at my elementary school; it was a splurge for my parents at the time, because we were kind of po'. I still treasure them, and judging from how my parents never ask me to clean them off of my shelf or throw them out or give them away, I believe they do too.
It's cold. I turned on the heat in the car for the first time this autumn season today. It was delicious.
***
AUTUMN . . .
We spent over an hour researching the etymology of the word "autumn." Didn't find out much, except that it comes from the Latin "autmnus." That's it. Just "autumnus." Etymology blows my mind -- it is bizarre to think of language and words and where it all came from ... and the fact that "autumn" seems not to mean anything.
***
BOOKISH . . .
In the Korean tradition, on a baby's first birthday, the family throws THE. MOST. ENORMOUS. FEAST. Bigger even than a traditional Korean wedding ceremony, no joke! And at the end of the party, right before the Korean dduk (rice cake) is cut and passed around, the parents of the baby set out on a low table a whole bunch of things: a bowl of rice, a strand of yarn, a pencil, a book, some money. Each item has a fortune-telling type significance: prosperity, long life, good grades, an intellectual life, wealth.
Me, I picked up a book, and that has dictated the course of my life in all ways. No, I am NOT an intellectual in ANY sense; I don't think an overactive imagination renders me "intellectual," although I have been called "thoughtful," but I think those people think I'm thinking logical and meaningful thoughts. But I have loved books, sometimes more than I have loved real life or loved real people ... and so this meme speaks to me so deeply. Thanks, TinyCricket.
1. Book that changed my life: The Holy Bible, obviously ... and not-so-obviously, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, by Rebecca Wells. The Holy Bible taught and continues to teach me about life and truth; Divine Secrets taught and continues to teach me about the truthful things in life, like friendship, sisterhood, family, tradition, fun, healing, and ridiculous snot-blowing laughter.
2. Book that you've read more than once: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I read it faster and faster each time I go through it because I know entire passages and conversations by heart now. But it has yet to stop speaking new things to me.
3. Book you'd want on a deserted island: The Holy Bible. Is it not the food I eat?
4. Book that made you laugh: A Girl Named Zippy, by Haven Kimmel. The anecdotes ... I actually spit out food at a few of the humorous surprises.
5. Book that made you cry: The Namesake, by Jhumpa Lahiri. I recently finished it, and was in the company of a friend who became suddenly alarmed that all of a sudden, in the middle of Starbucks, after a wonderful dinner and coffee and chat session, I was weeping hysterically. It took five minutes to convince him I was alright ... but how can one be alright after reading a book like this? Weighty, true, piercing, awful, uplifting, desperate, reminiscent, revealing. Ouch.
6. Book that you wish you had written: The Namesake. He, Indian. Me, Korean. We coud've been the same person.
7. Book you don't enjoy: I really, really, really did not like The Corrections, by Jonathan Franzen. I made myself read it and read it and read it. I finally got to the last nine pages of the monstrous monstrosity ... and then I closed the book and put it down. I just could not finish it. Not even the last nine pages. I just couldn't. I am still so annoyed that I gave in to the hype and bought the damn thing.
8. Book you are currently reading: The Memory Keeper's Daughter, by Kim Edwards. Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance, by Noam Chomsky is up next, probably tomorrow.
9. Book you've been meaning to read: The World is Flat, by Thomas Friedman. But rats, someone just borrowed it, and I didn't have the backbone to say "NO I HAVEN'T READ IT YET!!!!!" I just asked her to write my name in it, and am currently praying that it finds its way back to me somehow ...
10. Book you remember as a real page-turner: The Alienist, by Caleb Carr. I picked it up, along with a bunch of friends, in the middle of my senior year of college. I stayed up late every night until I finished it, partly because I wanted to find out what happened in the next chapter, but mostly because I was too scared to turn off the light and go to sleep. If the L.O.L.'s will recall, I believe I refused to read it with the door closed, and even slept one night with the door open, so people could hear if I was being brutally murdered in my dorm room.
11. Non-fiction books you've enjoyed: "The Tipping Point," by Malcolm Gladwell; "John Adams," by David McCullough; "Soul Survivor," by Philip Yancey; "Truman," by David McCullough; "The Holy Bible."
12. Children's books your family has loved: Well, my family enjoyed Korean folk tales, and I still have the huge glossy picture books to prove it. I can't wait for children of my own so I can read these books to them, too. But as for English-language books ... the first NICE books my parents bought me were the Little House on the Prairie books, by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I got the whole set of them in a huge box, all at once, at a book fair at my elementary school; it was a splurge for my parents at the time, because we were kind of po'. I still treasure them, and judging from how my parents never ask me to clean them off of my shelf or throw them out or give them away, I believe they do too.
Wednesday, October 4
I COMMUTE . .
I don't know why this is so exciting to me, but it is ... at least for now. It's only Day Two, after all. It's also exciting to me that I'm a CONSULTANT. After years and years of not knowing what the heck my consultant friends do, I consider it the ultimate irony that I have joined their ranks. As best as I can tell, consultants help people. Corporate people doing corporate things, but still people. So, go me.
And so, I'm helping a friend and her team at her office, deep within corporate America. They have rules and stuff about confidentiality, and it would just be awfully embarrassing for my friend if I were fired for indiscretion ... so I speak obliquely. Suffice to say, knowing that my consulting term is short-term and has an end in sight, I am LOVING corporate America. Well ... allow me to clarify: I love corporate America's unlimited free coffee, free Poland Spring water, free Coca-Cola beverages and free juice in several varieties. (There's also Yoo-Hoo in the huge corporate sub-zero refrigerator, but I don't touch the stuff, so it's irrelevant to me.) I love corporate America's provision of utensils and napkins, microwave ovens, office supplies and first-aid products. And most of all, I love corporate America's proximity to Grand Central Station, which gets me door to door -- walking and train-ing -- in less than one hour. LESS THAN ONE HOUR. It's just fantastic.
I'm still looking for The Perfect Public Service Position, don't get me wrong. But not before I give myself an ulcer from all this free coffee ...
***
BROODING . . .
People are unhappy. If there's anything you notice while sitting on the commuter train in and out of New York City, it's that people are unhappy. Some are sour, others are angry, a few are severely depressed; but they are all unhappy.
It makes me pray even harder. For them, and for me, because I'm not happy all the time either, but I have joy, and yes, my friends, there is a difference. And it would just be the cat's meow if everyone could know this Joy.
(There are also some downright straaaaaange folks out there too. I'm torn: do I catch a nap or people-watch?)
***
FOUND . . .
"Lost" is back tonight. THANK. THE. LORD.
Actually, by all accounts, this fall season is looking pretty good for new shows. I don't have the time or the attention span to check them out on the television ... which is why I also thank God for iTunes. No commercials, my friends, no commercials.
The thing is, though ... all the new dramas seem to be imitating "Lost." So ... I might just watch "Lost" only, because you just can't beat an original.
***
AMERICA'S MAYOR . . .
C and MJ went to Game 1 last night (my goodness, where did the summer go?!) and HUNG OUT WITH MAYOR GIULIANI!!!!!
So envious am I. Now THERE'S a Republican I could vote for. Plus, his lisp is just too endearing.
Rudy took a picture with MJ ... and JUDI NATHAN. I told C he should've asked Judi to take the picture instead.
***
OH, ONE LAST THING . . .
I've become one of those women. You know, they who wear one pair of shoes to work, and another pair of shoes AT work. I haven't yet pulled on the white tube socks with sneakers ... but who knows what I'll look like once cold and inclement weather sets in ...
I don't know why this is so exciting to me, but it is ... at least for now. It's only Day Two, after all. It's also exciting to me that I'm a CONSULTANT. After years and years of not knowing what the heck my consultant friends do, I consider it the ultimate irony that I have joined their ranks. As best as I can tell, consultants help people. Corporate people doing corporate things, but still people. So, go me.
And so, I'm helping a friend and her team at her office, deep within corporate America. They have rules and stuff about confidentiality, and it would just be awfully embarrassing for my friend if I were fired for indiscretion ... so I speak obliquely. Suffice to say, knowing that my consulting term is short-term and has an end in sight, I am LOVING corporate America. Well ... allow me to clarify: I love corporate America's unlimited free coffee, free Poland Spring water, free Coca-Cola beverages and free juice in several varieties. (There's also Yoo-Hoo in the huge corporate sub-zero refrigerator, but I don't touch the stuff, so it's irrelevant to me.) I love corporate America's provision of utensils and napkins, microwave ovens, office supplies and first-aid products. And most of all, I love corporate America's proximity to Grand Central Station, which gets me door to door -- walking and train-ing -- in less than one hour. LESS THAN ONE HOUR. It's just fantastic.
I'm still looking for The Perfect Public Service Position, don't get me wrong. But not before I give myself an ulcer from all this free coffee ...
***
BROODING . . .
People are unhappy. If there's anything you notice while sitting on the commuter train in and out of New York City, it's that people are unhappy. Some are sour, others are angry, a few are severely depressed; but they are all unhappy.
It makes me pray even harder. For them, and for me, because I'm not happy all the time either, but I have joy, and yes, my friends, there is a difference. And it would just be the cat's meow if everyone could know this Joy.
(There are also some downright straaaaaange folks out there too. I'm torn: do I catch a nap or people-watch?)
***
FOUND . . .
"Lost" is back tonight. THANK. THE. LORD.
Actually, by all accounts, this fall season is looking pretty good for new shows. I don't have the time or the attention span to check them out on the television ... which is why I also thank God for iTunes. No commercials, my friends, no commercials.
The thing is, though ... all the new dramas seem to be imitating "Lost." So ... I might just watch "Lost" only, because you just can't beat an original.
***
AMERICA'S MAYOR . . .
C and MJ went to Game 1 last night (my goodness, where did the summer go?!) and HUNG OUT WITH MAYOR GIULIANI!!!!!
So envious am I. Now THERE'S a Republican I could vote for. Plus, his lisp is just too endearing.
Rudy took a picture with MJ ... and JUDI NATHAN. I told C he should've asked Judi to take the picture instead.
***
OH, ONE LAST THING . . .
I've become one of those women. You know, they who wear one pair of shoes to work, and another pair of shoes AT work. I haven't yet pulled on the white tube socks with sneakers ... but who knows what I'll look like once cold and inclement weather sets in ...
Sunday, September 24
STATING THE OBVIOUS . . .
From today's New York Times: "A stark assessment has found that the American invasion and occupation of Iraq has helped spawn a new generation of Islamic radicalism and that the overall terrorist threat has grown since the Sept. 11 attacks."
No duh.
From today's New York Times: "A stark assessment has found that the American invasion and occupation of Iraq has helped spawn a new generation of Islamic radicalism and that the overall terrorist threat has grown since the Sept. 11 attacks."
No duh.
Friday, September 8
SNIFFLE . . .
(Been without Bob for far too long now. It's all for the best -- he's getting new guts and new brains, which will simply make him live longer, and that's all I want, because he's just the best little PowerBook G4 ever made, he really is. And I've been managing -- scrounging about and appealing to the mercy of my parents and Mabel for the use of their computers. PCs all, but they suit my needs for now. I understand the reason for Bob's absence, though. God's been telling me a bunch of stuff, including "stop browing the sale pages of Jcrew.com -- the merchandise is the same and you STILL can't afford any of it" and "I refuse to let you send that nasty email you wanted to send, because it won't do any good and no, you won't feel any better after you send it." See, anyone who says that God isn't real or that He's silent ... you've got to be in my shoes, because He seems to bonk me over the head loud and clear all the time with His little messages. Anyhow. My parents are kicking me out of their house, if you can believe it. Computerless again, I am. Bob, I miss you. I love you. I hope they're taking gooooood care of you in Olathe, Kansas. Thank you, MacResQ, for all your hard work. Take good care of Bob. He's my first son.)
(Been without Bob for far too long now. It's all for the best -- he's getting new guts and new brains, which will simply make him live longer, and that's all I want, because he's just the best little PowerBook G4 ever made, he really is. And I've been managing -- scrounging about and appealing to the mercy of my parents and Mabel for the use of their computers. PCs all, but they suit my needs for now. I understand the reason for Bob's absence, though. God's been telling me a bunch of stuff, including "stop browing the sale pages of Jcrew.com -- the merchandise is the same and you STILL can't afford any of it" and "I refuse to let you send that nasty email you wanted to send, because it won't do any good and no, you won't feel any better after you send it." See, anyone who says that God isn't real or that He's silent ... you've got to be in my shoes, because He seems to bonk me over the head loud and clear all the time with His little messages. Anyhow. My parents are kicking me out of their house, if you can believe it. Computerless again, I am. Bob, I miss you. I love you. I hope they're taking gooooood care of you in Olathe, Kansas. Thank you, MacResQ, for all your hard work. Take good care of Bob. He's my first son.)
Tuesday, August 29
Saturday, August 26
GUESS WHAT I AM . . .
I'm a freelancer.
Oh yeah. I always thought it was sort of glamorous when people said they were "freelancing." It sounds so ... independent. Adventurous. Mysterious. Beautiful. Free and clear with the wind blowing through your hair.
Of course, all those people I read and heard of were freelance PHOTOGRAPHERS, or freelance WRITERS, or freelance JOURNALISTS, or freelance SPIES. Still, the allure of the word still holds for me ... even if all I'm doing is helping a friend out with some legal stuff.
Oh yeah. I'm a FREELANCE ATTORNEY. Love it.
***
BRAINPOWER . . .
It is nice, thought, to use my brain in this way again. Not that I didn't enjoy coordinating large events and parties, or co-leading a Missions/Outreach Team at church all year, or helping Mabel lead the women's Bible study this summer, or any of the myriad random other things I have been doing with my time. But it's just different. This is, for better or worse, what I was created and trained to do. It's wonderful to feel that I'm fulfilling my destiny.
Of course, I'm plagued by self-doubt, as always. (What is it in me, or in any of us, that so prevents us from being satisfied with our skills and intelligence and training, and confident in how we use them?) It has been so long since I've researched, analyzed, critiqued, written, persuaded. I don't want to let my friend down with my FREELANCE WORK ... and God knows, I don't want to wake up the day after I hand it in realizing I'm not as sharp as I thought I was.
***
CLEANING HOUSE . . .
I can't clean my heart out, so I cleaned my house instead.
Well, not my whole house. The living room is still a shambles, and the kitchen ... I just don't know how I accumulate so much stuff in the kitchen. But my office ... it's getting there. It's only slightly neater than it was yesterday, only a tiny bit more organized, but I sincerely believe that every little bit counts.
I did have a moment, though, where I opened up my office closet, looked at the collection of stuff inside and thought, "it's going to take me a lifetime to go through this." So ... I closed the door and left it for another day. Basically, I need a dumpster outside my office window, into which I can just chuck things willy-nilly. I can be so lazy that the mere thought of having to CARRY garbage to the garbage can outside can deter me from cleaning.
For now, it's enough that my files are filed, and my papers are in their rightful place.
(Incidentally ... my heart is still not clean. I wish the Container Store had something for that which I am enduring ...)
***
FAST FORWARD . . .
You'll never hear me say this again, I'm sure ... but with Sunday seemingly impossible to handle ... I wish it was Monday already.
I'm a freelancer.
Oh yeah. I always thought it was sort of glamorous when people said they were "freelancing." It sounds so ... independent. Adventurous. Mysterious. Beautiful. Free and clear with the wind blowing through your hair.
Of course, all those people I read and heard of were freelance PHOTOGRAPHERS, or freelance WRITERS, or freelance JOURNALISTS, or freelance SPIES. Still, the allure of the word still holds for me ... even if all I'm doing is helping a friend out with some legal stuff.
Oh yeah. I'm a FREELANCE ATTORNEY. Love it.
***
BRAINPOWER . . .
It is nice, thought, to use my brain in this way again. Not that I didn't enjoy coordinating large events and parties, or co-leading a Missions/Outreach Team at church all year, or helping Mabel lead the women's Bible study this summer, or any of the myriad random other things I have been doing with my time. But it's just different. This is, for better or worse, what I was created and trained to do. It's wonderful to feel that I'm fulfilling my destiny.
Of course, I'm plagued by self-doubt, as always. (What is it in me, or in any of us, that so prevents us from being satisfied with our skills and intelligence and training, and confident in how we use them?) It has been so long since I've researched, analyzed, critiqued, written, persuaded. I don't want to let my friend down with my FREELANCE WORK ... and God knows, I don't want to wake up the day after I hand it in realizing I'm not as sharp as I thought I was.
***
CLEANING HOUSE . . .
I can't clean my heart out, so I cleaned my house instead.
Well, not my whole house. The living room is still a shambles, and the kitchen ... I just don't know how I accumulate so much stuff in the kitchen. But my office ... it's getting there. It's only slightly neater than it was yesterday, only a tiny bit more organized, but I sincerely believe that every little bit counts.
I did have a moment, though, where I opened up my office closet, looked at the collection of stuff inside and thought, "it's going to take me a lifetime to go through this." So ... I closed the door and left it for another day. Basically, I need a dumpster outside my office window, into which I can just chuck things willy-nilly. I can be so lazy that the mere thought of having to CARRY garbage to the garbage can outside can deter me from cleaning.
For now, it's enough that my files are filed, and my papers are in their rightful place.
(Incidentally ... my heart is still not clean. I wish the Container Store had something for that which I am enduring ...)
***
FAST FORWARD . . .
You'll never hear me say this again, I'm sure ... but with Sunday seemingly impossible to handle ... I wish it was Monday already.
Friday, August 25
NO ORIGINAL THOUGHTS . . .
It's been hard to have any lately. Lots going on; simultaneously, nothing going on. Could I feel more schizophrenic? (And how do I know I'm not?)
***
Dr.G says I'm perfectly fine -- the blood does not lie! -- but that still doesn't explain the chronic joint pain, the fitful sleep (if any at all), and more recently, the bloody noses. Is this simply what it is to get older, even by a day, a week, a month, a year? Is this the body's way of simply shutting down, minute by minute? I'm not completely dismayed; I'm just sort of amazed at the circle of life -- that it begins, it goes, and then it ends, all in its own perfect rhythm. It's so perfect and beautiful, in a way, that it convinces me more and more of God's sovereignty each day. Even as I wipe my nose again.
***
B didn't write or call. Am I surprised? Neither did I.
***
I will be making some extra cash in the next few days. This is a VERY VERY GOOD thing. I've been wise so far, but the pinch is on. I'm surprised though ... I always thought I was the poor one in the gang. But Oprah is right -- there is no more middle class. We are ALL poor. Yikes.
Whether we are single, married, married with kids, whatever ... the money crunch is always on. Omma always told me that the number one reason couples fight is money. I believe it now. I can see how stressful it can be -- having to put food on the table for your family (or for yourself), having to put gas in your car, having to pay the bills, wanting to spend time with your friends but wondering "are we really going to order bad pizza again and pay $7 a person for it?!" That sucks.
So the new resolve is on. I will (and must) be wiser about my cash flow; and I will (and must) help my friends be the same. (And is it terrible of me that I don't feel so bad and down-in-the-dumps about being the poor friend anymore? I don't want to MAKE people join me in my faux misery ... but it is sort of nice not being there alone.)
***
It was really dark when I came out into the living room this morning -- low clouds blanketed the sky. It felt so cozy; I sat with my coffee and stared out at the dark grey out-of-doors. But then, it started pouring like mad, and the sky lightened up. Now, I sit in a cottony haze of light grey, and my eyes almost sting from the brightness of the rainy sky. Cool.
***
What have I been learning lately, for one must always be learning something, I think .... Patience. Prayer. Receiving wisdom and truth. Receiving concern. Letting people take care of me. Focus. Who I am vs. who I must be. Obedience. Trust for today, faith for tomorrow. Decision-making. Personal resolve. Why being proud is not always good. That I am not always right. That God is strong, powerful, gentle, loving beyond imagination, purposeful, kind, merciful, and that He speaks loudly.
***
I feel like I've done this one a million times over, but it's still mildly entertaining ...
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES?
White.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Freakonomics, by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. Madam Secretary, by Madeleine Albright is on deck.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
No mouse pad; just a PowerBook G4 trackpad for me, thanks.
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Scrabble.
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINES?
Real Simple; People; SELF.
6. FAVORITE SMELL
Coffee in the morning; fresh clean B; kimchi jigae.
7. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
God; B; the weather outside.
8. FAVORITE COLOR?
To look at: red and orange.
To wear: brown and pink.
9. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR?
I don't like to look at royal blue, and I don't think I look that great in yellow.
10. HOW MANY RINGS DOES IT TAKE BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
Do I ever answer the phone? What the heck is voicemail for?
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Oh no, I ain't telling because (1) I don't want to jinx myself into NOT having children; and (2) I don't want tensions to arise from a potential name-steal.
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
That which is hardest: to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind, and to love my neighbour above myself.
13. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Neither.
14. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
Yes.
15. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No.
16. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Cool, particularly when there's lots of thunder and wind. Tornados, on the other hand ... VERY VERY SCARY.
17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Seriously? My mom's silver Cadillac DeVille. OH YEAH.
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE?
My paternal grandfather.
19. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
I don't drink so much anymore, but if I had to fall back on a good ol' standby, I'd say ... Black Russian.
20. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Scorpio. (That explains everything, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, I know.)
21. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
It's the best part!
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can't possibly narrow my desires down! Professor of English Literature at Columbia University; federal prosecutor for the Southern District of New York; high school English teacher; events coordinator for an organization like World Vision; an international legal consultant for an organization like International Justice Mission; super-with-it-and-hip mother and wife ...
23. YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown with two very thick and wiry strands of white.
24. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Oh yes.
25. FAVORITE MOVIE?
(Why do they ask me to choose just one?) If I must ... and I say this as the titles of all my other favorite movies flit across my mind's eye ... I'll go with "The Sound of Music."
26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Mostly, but I am realizing that I rarely use my pinkies. Poor neglected things.
27. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Nuthin'.
28. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Yankee baseball live. Yankee baseball on television.
29. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR?
That I will die with nothing to show for my life, and nothing to show for God.
30. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS?
I lifted it from Aunt Murry, whom I don't really know, but I hear she has kind things to say to TinyCricket, which makes her grade-A in my book.
31. FAVORITE CD?
What the heck is a CD? My favorite iTunes playlist is my "P&W Jams."
32. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"Lost."
33. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD?
Ketchup for hamburgers, fries, eggs and Korean fried rice. Mustard for hot dogs and pretzels.
34. HAMBURGERS OR HOT-DOGS?
Definitely both.
35. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK
I don't usually drink a lot of soda, but 7-UP always makes me feel refreshed and nostalgic for my childhood, and it goes with everything.
36. BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?
Nyack State Park & Beach with B; Block Island with the LOLs; Yankee games with Cheech; and most recently, Ithaca with the gang.
37. PJs OR NIGHTGOWN?
Errr ... I choose not to answer this question.
38. FAVORITE COMIC STRIP?
I don't read comics anymore, but I had a real faithful Calvin & Hobbes phase back in the day.
It's been hard to have any lately. Lots going on; simultaneously, nothing going on. Could I feel more schizophrenic? (And how do I know I'm not?)
***
Dr.G says I'm perfectly fine -- the blood does not lie! -- but that still doesn't explain the chronic joint pain, the fitful sleep (if any at all), and more recently, the bloody noses. Is this simply what it is to get older, even by a day, a week, a month, a year? Is this the body's way of simply shutting down, minute by minute? I'm not completely dismayed; I'm just sort of amazed at the circle of life -- that it begins, it goes, and then it ends, all in its own perfect rhythm. It's so perfect and beautiful, in a way, that it convinces me more and more of God's sovereignty each day. Even as I wipe my nose again.
***
B didn't write or call. Am I surprised? Neither did I.
***
I will be making some extra cash in the next few days. This is a VERY VERY GOOD thing. I've been wise so far, but the pinch is on. I'm surprised though ... I always thought I was the poor one in the gang. But Oprah is right -- there is no more middle class. We are ALL poor. Yikes.
Whether we are single, married, married with kids, whatever ... the money crunch is always on. Omma always told me that the number one reason couples fight is money. I believe it now. I can see how stressful it can be -- having to put food on the table for your family (or for yourself), having to put gas in your car, having to pay the bills, wanting to spend time with your friends but wondering "are we really going to order bad pizza again and pay $7 a person for it?!" That sucks.
So the new resolve is on. I will (and must) be wiser about my cash flow; and I will (and must) help my friends be the same. (And is it terrible of me that I don't feel so bad and down-in-the-dumps about being the poor friend anymore? I don't want to MAKE people join me in my faux misery ... but it is sort of nice not being there alone.)
***
It was really dark when I came out into the living room this morning -- low clouds blanketed the sky. It felt so cozy; I sat with my coffee and stared out at the dark grey out-of-doors. But then, it started pouring like mad, and the sky lightened up. Now, I sit in a cottony haze of light grey, and my eyes almost sting from the brightness of the rainy sky. Cool.
***
What have I been learning lately, for one must always be learning something, I think .... Patience. Prayer. Receiving wisdom and truth. Receiving concern. Letting people take care of me. Focus. Who I am vs. who I must be. Obedience. Trust for today, faith for tomorrow. Decision-making. Personal resolve. Why being proud is not always good. That I am not always right. That God is strong, powerful, gentle, loving beyond imagination, purposeful, kind, merciful, and that He speaks loudly.
***
I feel like I've done this one a million times over, but it's still mildly entertaining ...
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES?
White.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Freakonomics, by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. Madam Secretary, by Madeleine Albright is on deck.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
No mouse pad; just a PowerBook G4 trackpad for me, thanks.
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Scrabble.
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINES?
Real Simple; People; SELF.
6. FAVORITE SMELL
Coffee in the morning; fresh clean B; kimchi jigae.
7. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
God; B; the weather outside.
8. FAVORITE COLOR?
To look at: red and orange.
To wear: brown and pink.
9. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR?
I don't like to look at royal blue, and I don't think I look that great in yellow.
10. HOW MANY RINGS DOES IT TAKE BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
Do I ever answer the phone? What the heck is voicemail for?
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Oh no, I ain't telling because (1) I don't want to jinx myself into NOT having children; and (2) I don't want tensions to arise from a potential name-steal.
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
That which is hardest: to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind, and to love my neighbour above myself.
13. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Neither.
14. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
Yes.
15. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No.
16. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Cool, particularly when there's lots of thunder and wind. Tornados, on the other hand ... VERY VERY SCARY.
17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Seriously? My mom's silver Cadillac DeVille. OH YEAH.
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE?
My paternal grandfather.
19. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
I don't drink so much anymore, but if I had to fall back on a good ol' standby, I'd say ... Black Russian.
20. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Scorpio. (That explains everything, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, I know.)
21. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
It's the best part!
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can't possibly narrow my desires down! Professor of English Literature at Columbia University; federal prosecutor for the Southern District of New York; high school English teacher; events coordinator for an organization like World Vision; an international legal consultant for an organization like International Justice Mission; super-with-it-and-hip mother and wife ...
23. YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown with two very thick and wiry strands of white.
24. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Oh yes.
25. FAVORITE MOVIE?
(Why do they ask me to choose just one?) If I must ... and I say this as the titles of all my other favorite movies flit across my mind's eye ... I'll go with "The Sound of Music."
26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Mostly, but I am realizing that I rarely use my pinkies. Poor neglected things.
27. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Nuthin'.
28. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Yankee baseball live. Yankee baseball on television.
29. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR?
That I will die with nothing to show for my life, and nothing to show for God.
30. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS?
I lifted it from Aunt Murry, whom I don't really know, but I hear she has kind things to say to TinyCricket, which makes her grade-A in my book.
31. FAVORITE CD?
What the heck is a CD? My favorite iTunes playlist is my "P&W Jams."
32. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"Lost."
33. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD?
Ketchup for hamburgers, fries, eggs and Korean fried rice. Mustard for hot dogs and pretzels.
34. HAMBURGERS OR HOT-DOGS?
Definitely both.
35. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK
I don't usually drink a lot of soda, but 7-UP always makes me feel refreshed and nostalgic for my childhood, and it goes with everything.
36. BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?
Nyack State Park & Beach with B; Block Island with the LOLs; Yankee games with Cheech; and most recently, Ithaca with the gang.
37. PJs OR NIGHTGOWN?
Errr ... I choose not to answer this question.
38. FAVORITE COMIC STRIP?
I don't read comics anymore, but I had a real faithful Calvin & Hobbes phase back in the day.